Our 2nd Ever Lily Press Chat

Last week Naomi had a chat online with Jana Baldridge, a dear friend from Wisconsin. Both girls are currently volunteering at Christian ministries in Texas and were having similar questions about their work. They have taken advantage of these opportunities because of Paul's admonition that singleness is a gift to be used for the body of Christ and his injunction that we be "wholly concerned with the Lord's business". However, this doesn't mean concerns don't arise and this chat addreses some of them, in an informal way. (Meaning, we weren't planning on posting this while we were having it! What you see is the original, un-cut, and unedited version. Okay, I did change one spelling error, but I won't admit whose it was. Read at your own risk!)

me: Hi! How are you?

Jana : I'm doing pretty good. :-) How are you?

me: Great! Are you getting a big storm tonight too?

Jana : Ha! Nope...ours came last night. Goodness. It was a nice downpour too. Soaked my shoes walkin' to dinner, LOL.
me: Wow! What fun! Did you have an okay 4th of July away from home?

Jana : Yes, it was pretty good. I actually have all this week off from work. Hurrah!

me: Really? That's nice! Are you getting homesick?

Jana : So, I went into town with some of my friends to watch the parade....ALERT held a cookout for the guys/staff....and Big Sandy had a nice fireworks display.

me: Oh, that's nice.

Jana : Not really. It hits once in awhile...for the most part, I keep too busy to be homesick. Not sure if that's good or bad, but... :-)
How was your 4th?

me: Don't you just love having "family" away from home? I think that's the nicest thing. I understand! It was great . . . my best holiday away from home so far! I went to a parade by myself in the morning (ha!), bought a hot dog at a gas station and ate it on the curb, and then later went to a big cookout at the pastor's house and then fireworks. I've only got another month here until I go home for Hannah's wedding and then have to decide if I want to come back again. That's the part I don't like - always deciding where to go and when! :-)

Jana : Are you committed for a time in El Paso? (that is where you are, right?)

me: Right. . . no, I can come and go as I please! They want me to stay for 10 years, they said, but they'll settle for anything. That was nice :-) I sometimes have this dichotomy of the quiet home life and active ministry away from home and wonder which I really should be doing. Maybe this back and forth is the best thing. Do you have that problem or have you worked it out?

Jana : Hmmm...Good question!

me: lol Too bad - I was thinking maybe you'd settled it and could help me out. :-)

Jana : What you should be doing....meaning, what you feel like the Lord/parents want you to do, or what people will say?

me: Umm. . neither of the last two. I guess I mean where I as a Christian woman ought to be

Jana : Oh, I see. A Christian, single woman with no hopes on the horizon for marriage, right? :-)

me: If God created women to be a help to men and flourish in the sphere of the home, what implications does that have for me? lol - right - does that change anything?

Jana : I was just asking what I've been asked personally, LOL.

me: Obviously I don't think it excludes the kind of stuff we're doing or I wouldn't be where I am, but how exactly does it fit?

Jana : I've been kinda wondering the same lately.

me: People keep saying "I hope you meet a nice young man - and SOON!" That cracks me up. I always add, "But I AM happy NOW!"

Jana : I guess I feel that being at ALERT for this time -- however long it is -- will prepare me to better serve with my husband. Hmmm...that didn't come out right.

me: I understand . . and I agree. I am learning so much - and I'm sure you are too

Jana : Oh, for sure!!!!!

me: but then. . . are we losing anything at the same time? Are we forgetting how to be content with washing dishes and mopping floors?
Are we convincing ourselves that THIS is real ministry and therefore being a mother isn't? In any way are we getting affirmation from being told we are helpful and doing good work instead of being content to BE

Jana : And I really feel like that someday my husband and I will be serving in a ministry setting and all this office work and leadership skills will be much needed.
Oh no! I feel like being a mother is a real ministry. God just hasn't called me to that right now. I wouldn't say it's the highest kind of ministry....well....hmmmm....

me: lol

Jana : Uh.....

me: I feel the same way about future ministry - that any skills I am getting now are most likely going to be helpful.

Jana : In all honesty, I didn't get your last sentence. Sorry -- I've been sleeping most of today. :P :-)

me: That's nice! I mean. . . as women who plan on being home, we have to receive our "fulfillment" from being and not from doing. We are valuable because we ARE and we serve God in quiet obedience. So does being away like this and being so actively involved in other (but also valuable ministry) tempt us to think "oh yes, now I am really doing something great" that is going to, in the long run, make us less content (or feel less important) being at home?

Jana : It can.... And I've struggled with that in the past.

me: I don't know. . . I just have a bit of cognitive dissonance once in awhile. Does just not getting paid make this valid woman's work for us?

Jana : I don't think getting paid has anything to do with it's. It's your motive.

me: Of course, we have impeccable motives :-)

Jana : LOL

me: But is this actually woman's work?

Jana : WELL....Is there a defined woman's work?
me: we're far removed from the "home sphere" I don't know. I think there is.

Jana : Where is home? Always with the family?

me: Uhh Not necesarily

Jana : Or can family be other people besides dad, mom, siblings?
I'm just asking. :-)

me: Good question. Maybe the question is who are we called to serve at this time in our lives?

Jana : Yes!

me: and I guess I have no trouble saying we can serve wherever the need and opportunity arise but I just wonder if in any way this could be inadvertantly hindering our future lives

Jana : It could, yes. My parents and I discussed this indepth before I came back to ALERT full time.

me: I know how easy it is for me to slip into thinking 'saving souls' is the real work and then slowly that is going to make me unhappy at home What did you conclude?

Jana : Accountability has been a big key. Making sure I keep my parents updated on what's going on, the ins and outs of my job and the people I work with, friends, and having them be able to tell me if they think my focus is getting off. Honestly, I'd be happy to go home.

me: And what would you say your focus is?

Jana : I'm happy to stay here too. :-)

me: I KNOW - that's what I keep saying - I'll be happy to go home any time! But does that make it okay?

Jana : LOL! Goodness, girl.....:-)

me: lol

Jana : My focus..

me: I'm so philosophical, I know. :-)

Jana : (give me a second) It goes back to what I said before: learning office/communication skills that will better help me serve with my husband someday. My day to day focus is to work alongside my boss and coworker to help families who stay on campus -- whether for a night, for Family Camp, or a huge 600 person conference -- the best possible. I mean...the best possible stay. Meeting their needs...
Serving them as Christ would.

me: OK So that would be similar to what I'm doing, I guess - facilitating groups, creating a good atmosphere - that's funny. Hospitality is definitely in the woman's sphere, I think. So maybe we're fine. :-)

Jana : And I love it!!! Stretches me beyond what I think humanly possible.....but I love it. Love it because God has called me. LOL!
Yeah, maybe we are fine. :-) End of discussion. ;-)

me: LOL Okay, phew, just checking.

Jana : Really...you pegged a good point re: hospitality.

me: I guess maybe the guidelines would be - we need to go home if suddenly we aren't willing to go home. We need to go home if we're getting addicted to people's approval. We need to go home if there are things at home that are more pressing. Would those be good guidelines?

Jana : Sounds good to me. I would add too -- Might want to consider going home too if you're........okay, my brain isn't coming up with any words. :P Uhhh.... Well, never mind. I guess it falls under "people's approval".

me: lol I know the line, because I've crossed it in the past :-)
And I guess it's good to go home often enough that we "test the waters" and our contentment levels

Jana : Sounds like a good chapter for your book. :-D And to keep the home ties alive.

me: Yeah. My poor book. It's either dying a long, slow death or waiting for a glorious resurrection :-)

Jana : That's hard to do when away....keep in touch, be apart of the family, yet so far away. I like the ressurection idea. ;-)

me: Yes - and I seem to be either very homesick or else so busy I can't think about it.

Jana : Okay, that's another reason why I need a laptop for my birthday....

me: One is probably a coping mechanism for the other Ha ha Why - you're going to help me write? :-) You can be my official editor.
I can e-mail you everything I have so far and you can butcher it

Jana : And too...I've found you can't truly focus on your work, if you're always worrying about home life. Your heart can't be in two places. Oh, I'd love to help write and butcher.

me: At least I got "my story" all typed out from my talk. Really? Great! As soon as I get home, I will flood your inbox. Actually, maybe I should mail them to you on disk. Did I send you my talk notes? I'm going to turn it into a chapter or two

Jana : Yes -- looked fabulous, girl. Really and truly.

me: Aw, thanks. I forgot to say we had a book for sale, though. I'm SO not a businesswoman.

Jana : LOL!

me: Well, I guess I'd better go find some dinner.

Jana : You need a man to do the business end anyway....;-)
me: Right!

Jana : Yeah, and I need to get back to the house. Soooo nice to chat with you, dear!!!!!!!!!!

me: Oh, you too!
I need friends like you!

Jana : Miss you....wish we weren't so far away. ;-)

me: You understand my problems :-)

Jana : HA! It's nice to have someone who understands mine...and can voice them, LOL.

me: Yeah, I do too. Too bad we're not in the same city.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on July 19, 2006 | Comments (1)

"You Look Like a Nun!"

You know what one of the best compliments Iâ€™ve ever gotten is?

â€œAre you a nun?â€?

This has happened more than once, believe it or not. I know that may look like a strange question and to tell the truth, Iâ€™ve always been puzzled by it and even slightly annoyed. I realized today, however, that this is really a compliment.

Iâ€™ve been in the acquaintance of a number of girls lately who donâ€™t look like or act like girls. They are muscular, dress in gender neutral styles and colors, act macho, hate feminine activities, and basically are attempting (consciously or un) to be men. This bothers me to no end, but I donâ€™t always take the time to think through why.

Most Americans are easily swayed to believe that in many areas, men and women are fungible â€“ that means they could be swapped for the other without consequence. I disagree! I think women are BETTER at cooking, cleaning, nesting, etc., and that men are BETTER at lifting, being stable, making money, etc.

My efforts to look and act like a girl lead me to wear skirts, jumpers, and dresses more often than not, and the more I am surrounded by non-feminine females, the more I want to look different.

I was thinking about nuns and realizing that they live and dress the way they do because they believe God is their husband and they live and work only for Him. Isnâ€™t that how we should be as single women? We donâ€™t dress to attract attention (especially of men), we donâ€™t hold ourselves in a way that would make us look important, we donâ€™t try to do â€œmenâ€™s jobsâ€? in order to somehow impress them with us. On the contrary, I think true men are far more impressed with a feminine woman! (We need to remember, though, that our motives come through in our behavior. If we are acting feminine only as a facade to try to attract a man, that will also be visible.)

Nuns have set out to obtain holiness in their actions, demeanor, and dress. What a high compliment for us to be mistaken for one who officially has given her life for this cause!

Isaiah 54:5 says, â€œFor thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.â€? What an honor and a privilege we have to be daughters of God and part of the bride of Christ. After thinking about this, I looked in the mirror this afternoon to analyze what I had on. I wondered, â€œDo these clothes visibly say â€˜I belong to the Lord and He is my husband?â€? Do they speak to people about my pleasure in being a woman? Do they say â€œI am not a manâ€?? If not, I should probably change.

Of course, we donâ€™t need to look frumpy or unkempt (in fact, we ought to look the opposite â€“ pleasing!). But we do need to look (and act) like a girl, like one who has been bought with a price, like one who has been called to give her life for the service of Christ â€“ and is thankful for the privilege of doing so.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on June 30, 2006 | Comments (0)

The Sacrifice and Delight of the Daily Meal

While not a book Iâ€™d unreservedly recommend, I have been recently enjoying Donald McCulloughâ€™s Say Please, Say Thank You: The Respect We Owe One Another. Itâ€™s sort of an â€œIâ€™m not Emily Post and neither are you, but we can still be nice to each otherâ€? expose on modern manners. The best chapter so far is number 8, on the topic of meals.

Hereâ€™re a few excerpts:

â€œMy oldest daughter recently celebrated her twenty-third birthday, and for me the day brought forth many memories of her growing from childhood through adolescence into young adulthood. . .When we spoke on the telephone she said she had been thinking about her most memorable birthday. . .what stood out in her mind was the ladybug cake her mother made on her sixth birthday. â€˜There was just something about that cake,â€™ she said, â€˜that made it so special.â€™ Well, it doesnâ€™t surprise me that her recollection of a favorite celebration had to do with food. For most people, meals are like mountains on the landscape of memory; food and drink and conversation have formed peak experiences, summits standing tall against the terrain of the ordinary. . .

â€œOf all the wonderful gifts of the Creator, near the top of the list is the joy of eating. God, I presume, could have made us with neither the biological necessity nor the aesthetic pleasure of consuming nourishment. But I donâ€™t think itâ€™s entirely metaphorical when the psalmist says, â€˜Taste and see that the Lord is good. . .â€™

â€œSharing meals serves a very important purpose in helping us become more fully human: it helps strengthen the bonds of community. In an almost mysterious way, food and relationships are intimately connected. . .

â€œThere are at least two reasons why eating establishes community: it makes possible both sacrifice and delight. In sharing a meal something is given, often with great labor or cost, and something is received, often with great pleasure. The giving and receiving, the sacrifice and delight, are two essential movements in the dance of human community. . . It seems to me there is an element of self-sacrifice when we take it upon ourselves to feed others. . . and in response to giving comes receiving, in response to sacrifice comes delight. So if you prepare a meal for me, itâ€™s my responsibility â€“ my solemn duty â€“ to enjoy it. . .

â€œIf we lose the art of sharing a meal with others, we will deprive ourselves of the self-giving and delight that are central for the creation of human community. If food is simply fuel, a pit stop at the golden arches will do just fine. But if itâ€™s more, then we need to make space in our lives for eating that is neither cheap nor quick, an eating that not only fills our stomachs but ennobles our souls.â€?

Iâ€™m sure this stirs thoughts in your mind similar to those in mine â€“ thoughts of desserts and meals made and received and shared with precious people.

I remember one of the first times as an â€œoldâ€? person that my mom took me out â€“ just her and I. We went to Antoinetteâ€™s, a pretty uppity (at least in my mind at the time â€“ I hadnâ€™t been there before nor since) ice cream parlor. I was used to getting a Dilly Bar (Dad bought 5, we picked the color), but on this trip, we got to order off an ice cream menu and sit at a table. I donâ€™t remember exactly what we ate, but I do remember it was huge and it was chocolate and I felt so grown up and special to be out with just my mom.

I also remember the last meal my sisters and I ate with my grandpa before he died. It was some sort of hotdish, I think, and he could hardly hold his fork, but he knew who we were, and that was all that mattered â€“ sharing food together for the last time.

Itâ€™s funny how when you get thinking, so MANY memories revolve around food!

I remember how we used to drive two cars to church â€“ one with older kids to Sunday school, and one with younger ones in time for church. If we rode home with Dad afterwards, we were occasionally treated to a bag of Combos to share, purchased at a gas station where he bought the Sunday paper. Weâ€™d relish them together in the back seat, debating over the proper method of consumption â€“ bite it in two hunks or one hunk, or suck the filling out and then wait for the outside layer to dissolve in our mouths.

I remember (a more recent memory, but still a beautiful one) being with my grandma in Arizona and enjoying the supreme pleasure of Retirement Land, where you could get Whoppers for $1 at Burger King. We even had a coupon one day and got free fries and onion rings, all for only $1. We did this more than once and every time spent most of the meal watching the other people and priding ourselves in what cheap dates we were and what good food we could find for $1.

I bet I could write 20 pages on all the wonderful meal memories I have â€“ buying a hot dog and pop on the street corner or at Charlieâ€™s diner with Alice for $1.50 each; helping to lay one of the famous Valine outdoor spreads of grilled chicken, cheesy potatoes, Chinese salad, fruit, and green beans; making my tortilla soup and curling up with a World magazine to pine away a relaxing evening here in El Paso; sharing a meal for two by candlelight with Micah on his kitchen chairs in the dining room; eating a breakfast of cereal mixed with nuts and chocolate in the car on the way to Minnesota, always envying Micah who managed to eat his cereal out of the bag and saving the chocolate for last (why was mine so often the reverse of that?); sharing a meal with Josh and Noelle down in San Antonio, with the prior phone call (â€œLetâ€™s eat together â€“ I have meat, do you have salad?â€? â€œYes, but no tomatoâ€? â€œIâ€™ve got half of one; Iâ€™ll bring it!) â€“ truly a SHARED meal!; Marthaâ€™s famous slice-the-bag-like-an-icing-bag egg salad, passed up with love on bread from the back seat of the car; going to Applebees with Hannah and taking her advice that when youâ€™re out with a sister for a treat, itâ€™s okay to get the big sundae; helping hotdish at any family crisis â€“ ah, so many good memories enjoyed with the added pleasure of sacrifice in giving and delight in receiving.

Itâ€™s true that Jesus lived with this philosophy. After all, he was always sharing meals with people â€“ sinners, tax collectors, his disciples, Judas â€“ and in fact, before He died He established a meal that we are commanded to celebrate until He returns. Each Sunday when we partake of Communion, we are receiving the supreme sacrifice with supreme delight, in the company of thousands of the faithful in Heaven, crying â€œHoly, holy, holy!â€?

In each of our meals this week, letâ€™s take time to slow down and thank the Lord for the sacrifice Heâ€™s made for us â€“ a sacrifice that our weak efforts to give of ourselves in mixing and baking only feebly imitate. Letâ€™s not complain about meal preparation, but embrace it as a chance to demonstrate Godâ€™s love to our families. When someone cooks for us, letâ€™s remember our responsibility to receive with joy. And letâ€™s treasure the memories we have of shared lives and shared meals as we continually â€œtaste and see that the Lord is good!â€?

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on June 23, 2006 | Comments (0)

On The Other Hand

After reading several blog posts and comments by younger mothers bemoaning the absence of older women to advise them as Paul suggests in Titus 2, I started thinking. Yes, mentoring is a Biblical idea and yes, we do have specific instructions for older women in their relation to younger women. But if there aren't any, there's nothing we can do about it.

We now are facing a similar problem as single girls at home. Wouldn't I love a mentor? Wouldn't I love someone who has done this before, grown old and been married, who could reassure me over and over that this would turn out okay and give me advice on how to spend my time and other useful things? YES! Wouldn't we all? But the fact is that there aren't any, or at least very few, and once again, there's nothing we can do about it.

However, to look on the other hand as I so love to do, perhaps it is better this way. After all, this way we have mystery. We have the adventure of the unknown. We have the chance to follow with trepidation the footsteps of Moses, Joseph, Abraham, and Mary . . . meekly walking the straight and narrow pathway of obedience that few find. The paths with solid brick walls around them, sign posts, smooth pavement, and ice-cream-stands-for-goodness'-sake are boring. They've been traveled, they're easy, and they don't require any guts at all. Wouldn't we rather walk on the unmarked trail, putting up posts as we go to mark the way, getting our shoes dusty, and deciding where the best place for pavement would be to smooth the way for others? I think so.

So to those of you who for some reason or other are lonely, don't despair. That means you are on the right path, trod by thousands of pilgrims and strangers before you. Watch for the faint footprints and take cheer in them. Listen for the encouragement of the great cloud of witnesses. And keep walking. At the end is a chorus of angels.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on April 21, 2006 | Comments (0)

What My Grandma Taught Me Or, Why Young People Need To Be Around Older People

After spending nearly two weeks here in Arizona in the retirement trailer court, Iâ€™ve learned quite a few lessons I thought worth sharing.

*You can always look for animals in the cloud formations and in fact, this is quite a good use of time.

*Any day you can get out of bed and breathe, see, walk, hear, digest, and go somewhere is a good day.

*The weather is an interesting phenomenon and worthy of all the attention you wish to give it.

*Music is one of the chief pleasures of life.

*Food is another one of the chief pleasures of life. Any casserole is a good casserole and any dessert is a good dessert. Talking about these is another good use of time.

*There is something to be learned from each person you meet.

For a young, single girl who sometimes gets blue about it, I especially learned things from the widows in the park here â€“ including my grandma. I sat at a concert of love tunes with them on Saturday night. Love songs sometimes make me sad, because of my lack of a lover, but they donâ€™t make these ladies sad at all. They remember past love, enjoy watching the love of other people, and celebrate love in general instead of feeling sorry for themselves. They donâ€™t waste time grasping for what once was or what could have been, but they concentrate on living each day now to the fullest. They enjoy each other, share stories, golf, sing, and LIVE.

I was looking around the auditorium last night during a â€œrhythms in blueâ€? concert at all the people there â€“ all over 55 and most over 70. Iâ€™ve been watching these people for the past two weeks and paying close attention, trying to savor each crooked smile, each wrinkled face, each time-and-work-worn hand, each limping walk. These people are precious. They have walked through time, experienced years of heartache and care, worry and fear. They know what it is to hurt, to cry, to mourn, to rejoice, to love, to lose, to win â€“ what it is to live on this earth. As eternity steps closer and closer to them, its light shines in their minds. They donâ€™t worry about being famous or popular or having what they want or getting ahead in life or what they will eat or drink or wherewithal they shall be clothed. They are concerned with people â€“ how each person is feeling, what they are doing, where they are from, and who their grandchildren are. They are in touch with what really matters and they trust the Lord to take care of them, which they have no problem believing He will do, because theyâ€™ve lived and seen it and know now that He is faithful. Younger people have a harder time with this, I think. My generation is concerned with success and fame and fortune and being smart instead of wise. We think older people belong in nursing homes and we donâ€™t value their wisdom or experience. I think we should. We should honor them for the lives they have lived, the trials they have come through, and the strength those trials have given them. We should listen more and talk less. We should watch and learn. We should revere these twinkling eyes and dancing feet for the love they have known â€“ and have yet to give. Thank you â€“ to my grandma and to all the other older people who have shown me what a joy it is to be a seasoned saint.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on March 13, 2006 | Comments (2)

Just a Housewife: The Rise and Fall of Domesticity in America

This book, although written by the feminist Glenna Matthews, nonetheless has taught me a lot this week. I found it at the library here in Phoenix and discovered that some feminists may be working toward the same goals as we are.

The author starts out discussing the roles of women in colonial society. "Cooking was a purely utilitarian function and not a highly prized skill: there is no evidence to suggest that women thought in terms of 'culinary art.' Rather, they would put a meal to simmer over the fire in the open hearth and go about their other business. Hence, for a variety of reasons, in 1750 domestic chores were likelier to be approached as matter-of-fact routines than as occasions for displays of female prowess or possessing ceremonial meaning. The colonial home, then, was both essential and mundane, mundane because it had no transcendent functions. What is more, nothing in the culture reflected glory on the woman in charge of the home. Literary heroines of eighteenth-century British novels, for example, were noteworthy for their purity and gentleness and not for their domestic skills."

Toward the 1850s, however, things changed. According to Glenna Matthews, the Revolutionary War with its tea protests and such showed that the voice of housewives did, in fact, count for something in society. In addition, people discovered that it was in the home where children learned to view the world, mainly through the instruction of their mother, as the influence of the patriarchal society lessened. Education of girls began to be esteemed and with it all functions of the woman at home. Recipe books and ladies' magazines became popular as women started to see domestic expertise as a worthwhile skill. Catherine Beecher, an author of the time, said, "There is no subject so much connected with individual happiness and national prosperity as the education of daughters . . .The difficulty is, education does not usually point the female heart to its only true resting-place. That dear English word home is not half so powerful a talisman as the world. Instead of the salutary truth, that happiness is IN duty, they are taught to consider the two things totally distinct; and that whoever seeks one, must sacrifice the other."

The author then goes on to note that in today's society, household skills are not valued (but marketplace contribution is) â€“ hence, no one wants to do them. If we were to bring back honor for domestic prowess, then men and women would both want to participate and we could have a nice, neat 50/50 split and all the work would get done. I disagree with the results she wants, but I love her premises, and that's why this book has been so enjoyable to read.
Unlike women of colonial times, I think home life is full of "transcendent functions" and has eternal impact on the lives it touches. Like the women of the 1850s, I agree that happiness is in duty. It's funny that feminists really don't care if some women are housewives or mothers â€“ their only stipulation is that the women choose for themselves to be there. We daren't say that it is our duty to be at home! Suddenly that makes us somewhat less than free agents, the ultimate virtue in the feminist mind. I think the women of the 1850s (the time of the "cult of domesticity") had it right â€“ happiness is in duty and whoever seeks duty will inevitably find happiness.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on March 11, 2006 | Comments (0)

Avoiding Fatal Sleep

â€œDo you know how you can imitate the Apostles in their fatal sleep? You can suffer your young days to pass idly and uselessly away; you can live as if you had nothing to do but enjoy yourselves; you can let others think for you, and not try to become thoughtful yourselves, till the business and difficulties come upon you unprepared, and you find yourselves like men waking from sleep, hurried, confused, scarcely able to stand, with all the faculties bewildered, not knowing right from wrong, let headlong to evil, just because you have not given yourselves in time to learn what is good.â€?

Many of us who grew up at home, generally trusted our parents, and didnâ€™t leave at 18 are in a category of high risk for â€œletting others think for us.â€? Even though we have reached adult age, we still act like children, waiting for instructions and having the threat of othersâ€™ displeasure or discipline keep us â€œgood.â€? This quotation from Robertson of Brighton in chapter 18 of In My Fatherâ€™s House has a potent message for any girl and that is this: take responsibility for your own life.

It is a sad tale I hear from girls, waking up in the morning ready for minute-by-minute instructions from Mother, working in the kitchen with the cacophony of â€œno, not like thatâ€? and â€œnow do thisâ€? echoing behind them, asking â€œMother, may I practice the violin now?â€?, eagerly anticipating a momentary reprieve in which they can sneak in a few pages of reading, always dodging around Motherâ€™s watchful eyes to do â€œwhat I really want.â€? If you are 12, this way of living is not so bad, but if you are 20, this lifestyle is leading you into future years of distress.

The transition from being a little girl in your fatherâ€™s house to being an adult woman is a delicate one and one that is made much smoother by the constant working together with your parents. Iâ€™ve debated which comes first â€“ acting like an adult or being treated like one. Regardless, there are several things we as daughters can do to aid ourselves in the growing-up process.

First of all, we must recognize that we are responsible for our own lives. We choose to do or not do something; we choose to behave in certain ways. The way we live is the way we have chosen to live. We are held accountable for our own choices.

Secondly, because of this we must â€œbecome thoughtfulâ€? ourselves. This means we must understand the reasons behind what we do. Do you dress in a feminine way? Why? Because your parents say so or because you hold the same convictions? Why do you live at home? Because you have no other choice or because you have chosen this choice above others? Think. Understand. Study. Learn the why behind the what. Iâ€™m not saying you should make drastic changes in your lifestyle because you suddenly decide you donâ€™t agree with your parents, but I am saying that you need to know why you do what you do. If you disagree with them on something, then your choice is to submit or not to submit (and the obvious choice is right there); choosing not to think about it or have an opinion is not an adult option. Adults know why they do what they do and take responsibility for their own choices. Robertson says that neglecting these things has the potential to send us â€œheadlong to evilâ€? and hereâ€™s why: the world is full of contrary arguments. Eventually you will run into some of them and if you have no basis for what you believe, you will cave in under pressure. We need to be strong now and always, holding firm our beliefs.

Third, we must take initiative in household responsibilities. This means that Mom shouldnâ€™t have to ask you to do the dishes; you live in the house, so you should jump up and have them washed before anyone needs to ask. You can and should keep the grocery list current, the laundry washed, the floors clean, etc., without having to be reminded or questioned about it. (Of course you already keep your own room tidy and your own bed made!) By the time you are of adult age (say, 18 or so), your mother should not have to look over your shoulder all the time, whether it be in the kitchen or elsewhere. If sheâ€™s having to, itâ€™s for one of two reasons; either you are not trustworthy to stay at your post or you do not care enough to know how to do things right. Moms want things done right and you ought to be able to be trusted to do what youâ€™re supposed to do when youâ€™re supposed to do it and to do it right. If you canâ€™t, get remedial help! Ideally, you should have entire areas of the household management as your duty. At my house, I do the coupon cutting, the girls and I almost always do the shopping, Hannah does the laundry, Martha is responsible for kitchen maintenance and Alice the bathrooms. We take turns with the grass mowing and other odd jobs. In order to have a system like that, itâ€™s understood that we know how to do our jobs well and that we will be faithful to do them. We are adults.

Fourth, we must take initiative in our own spiritual and educational growth. If you want to study something, get books from the library. If you have an interest, search out ways to develop it. If you want to become more faithful at prayer, do it! Your parents should not have to come to you and convince you to read certain books or learn certain things; you should be going to them with proposals. This is not 3rd grade and we donâ€™t need to be led by the hand. However, you do need to learn things and so if youâ€™re not coming up with things on your own, your parents will be forced to baby you. You are responsible for who you are becoming and for what kind of woman, wife, or mother you will be. Marriage doesnâ€™t make you grow up. Work does.

Fifth, we must not avoid difficult situations. No one likes getting their hands dirty, but being a mature adult woman requires that we do some dirty work. So the book is tough to understand, the child is sick and throwing up on you, the person youâ€™re helping has seizures, the opportunity for service means youâ€™ll be away and might get homesick, the people you need to interact with are emotionally draining, the older people you want to visit are crabby and yell at you. OH WELL. When we shy away from the places, people, and opportunities that might be less than fun, we are destined to remain immature children. The only way to grow and mature is to be squeezed a little bit. Pressure molds us into adults and the better we get at dealing with hard things, the more grown-up we become.

Iâ€™ve done several difficult things recently. Iâ€™ve sat with my grandpa during his time with cancer, sometimes at the clinic watching the blue chemo iv drip into his body, other times trying to help him breathe and being ready at his request to take him to the hospital. Iâ€™ve worked with people with disabilities, learning to deal with feeding tubes, watching them turn blue during a seizure, cleaning up bodily fluids of various kinds. Iâ€™ve been away from home for sundry reasons for many weeks at a time. Iâ€™ve been places where people are yelling at me through no fault of my own, where nothing I do seems right to them, where I am berated for my beliefs and lifestyle. These are in no way difficult when compared to what other people go through, but we have to start somewhere. All of these things have made me stronger and older and have given me a more realistic outlook on life. If your life is a particularly easy one, try to do some volunteer work where there are people with real problems! You canâ€™t exactly complain of a bad hair day when youâ€™re sitting next to someone whoâ€™s lost theirs to cancer.

We canâ€™t afford to â€œlive as if we had nothing to do but enjoy [our]selves.â€? If we desire to be godly women, to be servants of the king, to be able to stand our ground for the kingdom, we need to be adults. This means we must think hard, work hard, pray hard, and do hard things. We donâ€™t need to be babied or coddled. Having a husband is not going to make us instant adults; in fact, if we donâ€™t learn how to be responsible for ourselves and our schedule and our activities now, we will be hopeless when we get married! How do you expect to run an entire household if you canâ€™t even manage to get up in the morning and empty the dishwasher without being prodded?

We donâ€™t want to be left â€œunprepared. . . hurried, confused, [and] scarcely able to standâ€? because of our refusal to â€œlearn what is goodâ€? and do it. Our lives are easy compared to most, but we still have plenty of work to do. If we want to live and function as the adults that we are, we need to work at being responsible, becoming thoughtful, taking initiative, and doing hard things. Maturity requires purification, refinement, and molding, but the end result is that we as daughters â€œmay be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palaceâ€? (Psalms 144:12).

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on February 20, 2006 | Comments (0)

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor . . .

I was reading Matthew Henry's commentary on Matthew, chapter 18 this morning. In the first part of the chapter, Jesus takes a little child and sets him in the midst of the disciples, telling them that they must become as little children in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. MH gave an interesting list regarding childlikenes. . .

We must not be foolish as children (1 Co. 14:20)
fickle like children (Eph. 4:14), or
playful as children (Mat. 11:16)

But we must be as children in desiring the sincere milk of the word (1 Pt. 2:2)
being careful for nothing, but trusting the heavenly Father (Mat. 6:31)
being void of malice (1 Co. 15:20)
being governable and under command (Gal. 4:2) and of course
being humble, treating all alike (Rom. 12:16)

Jesus says that if we receive one such humble child in His name, we have received Him. MH says, "Whatever kindnesses are done to such, Christ takes as done to himself. Whoso entertains a meek and humble Christian, keeps him in countenance, will not let him loose by his modesty, takes him into his love and friendship, and society and care, and studies to do him a kindness; and doth this in Christ's name, for his sake, because he bears the image of Christ, serves Christ, and because Christ has received him; this shall be accepted and recompensed as an acceptable piece of respect to Christ." Then MH gives the verse (Mat. 25:35-40) where Jesus says, "I was hungry and you fed me, thirsty and you gave me drink," etc. This was making me think about the people that I know in my life. Someone once chided me with the remark that all of my friends were either stupid or foreigners. This made me mad at the time, but this morning I was thinking that perhaps that was a compliment. Perhaps spending time around the sick, the needy, the dying, the poor, the lonely, the foreigners is the way a Christian ought to spend his time. After all, in the epistles a godly widow is one who is said to have "washed the feet of the saints" - if this is in our job description as women, perhaps it is good if we give it some thought and take care to accept the humble ones and serve them as kings and queens, as we would serve the King of Kings were He there in their place.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on January 23, 2006 | Comments (0)

Happiness: Habit or Happenstance

Several times in her life, my grandma has had people come up and ask her how she has managed to handle all the tragedy in her life. My grandma looks at them dumbfounded and asks, â€œwhat tragedy?â€? â€œWell, they say, you had a mentally handicapped daughter, you had a brother die at a young age, youâ€™ve lost almost all your other siblings and both your parents, one of your daughters had cancer, and now your husband died of cancer.â€? My grandma just laughs and tells them sheâ€™s never thought of any of those things as tragedies.

People like this amaze me, but they also inspire me, because I think they are right. There are no happy situations, only happy people. The dullest, most tragic happening can be made pleasant, or at least tolerable, by a cheerful person. In the same way, the most naturally enjoyable project can be made intolerable or even miserable by a grouchy person. For the most part, the way we view the world will dictate our feelings towards it. Although, considering how most of us live, we tend to instead think that the way the world treats us gives us a license to be happy or unhappy.

â€œIâ€™m single and therefore have a right to whine,â€? we may be heard to say. â€œIf only I were married, life would be better.â€? And then, should we get what we want, â€œIf only my husband werenâ€™t so hard to get along with, I would be a good wife.â€? After that, â€œIf these kids would just behave themselves, parenting would be easier.â€? The house is too dusty, the pile of laundry too large, the sun is too hot, the wind is too cold, the family too ornery, ourselves too irritable, our glasses a little too gray-colored. No matter what stage of life we are in, no matter how wonderful our circumstances, no matter how generous and loving the people around us are, if we are crabby people, we are always going to be crabby people.

How to fix this? Chapter 22 of In My Fatherâ€™s House says this: â€œHappiness is not an end â€“ it is only a means, an adjunct, a consequence.â€? Jesus, in the sermon on the mount, tells us who in the world is actually happy â€“ the merciful, the persecuted, the mournful, the poor in spirit, the peacemakers â€“ not those who have lots of money, easy lives, and husbands. Pursuing happiness as a goal is utterly futile. Itâ€™s not something you can set out to acquire and be successful. Happiness is only a by-product, a consequence, of living a godly and righteous life. If we wish to be happy, the only way to do so is to seek to be holy, to be loving, to be a peacemaker, a giver, a servant of all. We may then find ourselves being more cheerful. IMFH continues, â€œOh, if such women [the unhappy] did but know what comfort there is in a cheerful spirit! how the heart leaps up to meet a sunshiny face, a merry tongue, an even temper, and a heart which either naturally, or what is better, from conscientious principle, has learned to look at all things on their bright side, believing that the Giver of life being all-perfect love, the best offering we can make to him is to enjoy to the full what he sends of good, and bear what he allows of evil â€“ like a child who, when once it thoroughly believes in its father, believes in all his dealings with it, whether it understands them or not.â€?

Iâ€™ve found that this proves true even on a small, daily basis. If Iâ€™m feeling unhappy, rarely does the feeling linger if I start doing something for somebody else â€“ be it vacuuming the living room for the pleasure of my family, writing a letter to my grandma, or making a phone call to encourage somebody else. One morning not long ago, I woke up feeling blue. I decided right away that I had to do something about it, so I started baking and brought some food to nearly all the older people I could think of. By the end of that day, I was happier than Iâ€™d been in a long time!

Besides the everyday application, this principle is also true of our large scale focus. When we orient ourselves to others and to serving the Lord, we will have happier lives. Focusing on ourselves only makes us miserable and we all know it. Having a life that is motivated by helping others will bring us long term as well as short term happiness.

Being in a different situation, a different stage of life, living with different people, having different duties, wearing different clothes â€“ none of this will change who we are. If weâ€™re cranky now, weâ€™ll be cranky later. If weâ€™re happy now, weâ€™ll be happy later. We need to place the Lord and His kingdom as the focus of our lives instead of seeking for our own pleasure and then we will discover that â€œall these things will be added untoâ€? us. My grandma always says whatever stage of life sheâ€™s currently in seems better than all the rest. Letâ€™s be like that and stop thinking that our present situation is worse than all other alternatives. Make a habit of deciding to be cheerful. You might be surprised how much it changes you!

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on December 4, 2005 | Comments (0)

Happiness: Happenstance or Habit

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on December 2, 2005 | Comments (0)

Embracing the Call of Womanhood

â€œThe right to be learned, wise, noble, useful, is womanâ€™s divinely limited sphere; the right to influence and exalt the circle in which she moved; the right to mount the sanctified bema of her own quiet hearthstone; the right to modify and direct her husbandâ€™s opinions, if he considered her worthy and competent to guide him; the right to make her children ornaments to their nation, and a crown of glory to their race; the right to advise, to plead, to pray. . . the right to be all that the phrase â€˜noble, Christian womanâ€™ means.â€? This quote from Augusta Jane Evans-Wilson (St. Elmo, 1866), gives us a description that is a far cry from your average list of womanâ€™s rights, but I think itâ€™s one thatâ€™s far more freeing. Somehow having a â€œdivinely limited sphereâ€? gives us comfortable boundaries that allow us to move without constriction within them. You know the old story of the school children? Someone looked at a group of kids during recess and how they all hung around the fence surrounding the playground. They then removed the fence entirely, assuming the kids needed â€œmore roomâ€? to play. This action had the opposite effect and the children huddled in the very center; a loss of boundaries was also a loss of freedom. I think the â€œright to be noble and usefulâ€? is plenty enough for me.

I got an e-mail from a friend tonight talking about girls who go to college or get into careers in order to discover themselves or make sure they are fulfilling their whole potential. This got me thinking. It seems that somehow in the modern world, the more women fight for their right to be equal to man the more miserable they become. (Now, granted, we are equal in our status before God; we are simply given a different sphere of operation.) The rise of the self-help movement and our growing dissatisfaction with life, as evidenced by many surveys, points out that a majority of women are just not fulfilled in their present lives. As we argue and negotiate for the same piece of the pie that men have, we are just as quickly giving up the piece of the pie God gave us. Our homes and children slip through our fingers as we grasp for what we were not given.

I think the whole discussion starts and ends with the purpose of women. Like that quote on womenâ€™s rights said, we have a right to be noble and useful, but not to be self-fulfilled or to have our supposed potential actualized for our own benefit. Our creation and hence our calling ever afterwards is to support and help, not to DO and accomplish on our own. To attempt otherwise is to mess with created order and hence is indicative of Eveâ€™s curse of desiring her husband. What was Godâ€™s answer? He will rule over you. No matter how many little paths we try to forge, we come back to the truth of the kidsâ€™ song: â€œCanâ€™t go over it, canâ€™t go under it, canâ€™t go around it. . .â€? The truth stares us in the face and will continue to do so for the rest of our lives.

We are WOMEN. Plain and simple. Hence, we live not for ourselves. Our fulfillment, our happiness, our very sanity lies always and only in supporting, in helping, in encouraging, in making our Adams successful. Degrees donâ€™t matter, activities donâ€™t matter, accomplishments donâ€™t matter â€“ nothing matters except us getting rid of the idea that we must perform to be valid. We have got to surrender our â€œrightâ€? to be successful and bend our will to the facts of the situation. We are created. Created beings donâ€™t choose their calling. Being a woman means we are not in charge. If we could all of us get that into our little brains, I think life would be a lot easier.

I love the words of Titus 2:10, where Christians are described as â€œadorn[ing] the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things.â€? I like to think about this adornment in relation to the doctrine of created order. We are created as women and our behavior as such is a representation of the goodness of that doctrine. When we fight against that creation, we put on a poor show. Women who refuse to act like women (submissive, helpful, serving, living for others and not for themselves) show this doctrine to be a hard, heavy yoke to bear. On the other hand, those who embrace their calling as helpers are a beautiful demonstration of Godâ€™s created order for men and women. In addition, submitting to our role as females also is a small piece of the truth of the body of Christ as His bride. We are to wait on our King, to be in cheerful service to Him now and always. When we willingly live for the success of others now, we are fulfilling our call as women and also as faithful Christians, waiting for the return of the Lord.

His yoke is easy and His burden is light. When we learn to embrace the sphere God has placed us in, I think we will find it to be one that gives us wings and enables us to be truly fulfilled. Things used for purposes other than the ones they were made for are almost always frustrated. (Did you ever try eating peas with a knife?) Accepting, loving, and enjoying our â€œdivinely limited sphereâ€? as noble, Christian women will put us in the position of being a beautiful adornment to the doctrine of created order. The only right we are given is the right to follow Christâ€™s example and lay down our lives for others. But that one right, properly accomplished, is enough to give us true joy and lasting happiness!

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on November 26, 2005 | Comments (0)

Beourgeois Family Values vs. the Market

In the nineteenth century, Lasch observed, it was often feminists who had led the â€œforces of organized virtueâ€? to stamp out drunkenness and debauchery, gradually subduing the older â€œpatterns of male convivialityâ€? and domesticating males to â€œbourgeois hearth and home.â€? An important element in this campaign to â€œfeminize societyâ€? by substituting â€œdomestic enjoyments for the rough and brutal camaraderie of malesâ€? was the â€œglorification of the child and of maternal influence on the childâ€™s development.â€? This conflict between the feminine and masculine spheres was often reflected in womenâ€™s efforts to combat the â€œcompetitive, work-oriented values of their husbandsâ€?; â€œMen valued achievement; women, happiness and well-being.â€?

Treating domestic life as an emotional refuge from the world of work rested on a separation of private and public life that developed with the bourgeois nuclear family. Lasch described this as a family where â€œglorification of privacy in turn reflected the devaluation of work,â€? which was viewed simply as a means to an end â€“ as a â€œway of achieving satisfactions or consolations outside work.â€? The Victorian home, as Gertrude Himmelfarb puts it, became â€œa haven not only from the pressures of the marketplace but from the temptations of sin and corruption.â€? The attitude that market activity within the public arena is not the ultimate good reflected what Brigitte and Peter Berger have identified as a fundamental bourgeois belief that the â€œâ€˜littleâ€™ things in life, the ordinary and seemingly unimportant details of everyday events, matter as much as the â€˜greatâ€™ things.â€?

It is the critical significance of these simple, commonplace events comprising our daily routines that Jane Austen celebrates in her writings of delicate precision and Leo Tolstoy portrays in his monumental novels. In War and Peace, Tolstoy captures in Natasha the essence of the woman who finds satisfaction in attending to the particularities of her familyâ€™s daily activities by preserving routines and discharging the obligations they impose. Indeed, it was at the figure of Natasha that Simone de Beauvoir in 1949 fired the first salvo of feminismâ€™s current war against the housewife, when she ridiculed the â€œsupreme self-abasementâ€? of Natashaâ€™s â€œpassionate and tyrannical devotion to her family.â€?

Women who cherish as an ideal Tolstoyâ€™s portrayal of the domestic bliss that Natasha finally achieved â€“ perceiving that bliss as self-fulfilling, not abasing â€“ stand athwart the course of feminismâ€™s advance. Society can choose to honor this ideal, to grant significance to the ordinary details of everyday life, and to respect, rather than disdain, a womanâ€™s devotion to her familyâ€™s daily routine. If it does, then this woman can easily derive more satisfaction from baking a loaf of bread with her child than from writing the legal briefs that feminism would celebrate as the only genuine achievements. Such as woman might well describe the purpose of her daily life in the way Mark Helprin described the paintings of Edward Schmidt: this artistâ€™s purpose, said Helprin, is not â€œto reinvent the universe, but rather, like Raphael, and Caravaggio, and Sargent, and a thousand others before, to attend to it.â€?

Contemporary feminism would have women devote themselves to reinventing the universe â€“ as Hilary Rodham Clinton urges them to â€œremold society.â€? But devotion to grandiose schemes within the public arena necessarily requires relinquishing to others the cultivation of oneâ€™s own garden. The essence of the traditional woman is her preference for attending to the welfare of her own small universe, hoping to create therein a simple canvas of quotidian beauty. If T.S. Eliotâ€™s J. Alfred Prufock thinks his life diminished because it is measured out with coffee spoons, the traditional woman cherishes the daily ceremonies in which she arranges these spoons. Henry James speaks for her when he begins The Portrait of a Lady by observing that â€œthere are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea.â€?

. . . .In the struggle between masculine work-oriented values and feminine domestic values, the feminine lost. The â€œAngel in the Houseâ€? â€“ that Victorian-era wife who, as Robert Wright puts it, â€œcould tame the animal in a man and rescue his spirit from the deadening world of workâ€? â€“ was evicted. Heeding Virginia Woolfâ€™s admonition to â€œkillâ€? the angel in the house, those who now call themselves feminists have assured these angels that, far from deadening, the world of market work is vastly superior to the â€œalmost pathetic ordinarinessâ€? of their lives. This ideal of â€œThe Angel in the Houseâ€? had been created as the foundation for withdrawing women (who were seen as morally superior) â€œfrom the exhaustion, the contamination, the vulgarity of mill-work and professional work.â€? But it has succumbed to the feminist ideal of sexual equivalence.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on November 16, 2005 | Comments (0)

Losing Our Lives

The words of our reading in church this morning were from Matthew chapter 16, verse 26. "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." I was thinking about that this afternoon and what it means to lose one's life. The realization that our lives don't belong to us can be a scary one and an honest surrender of one's future plans to the Lord can be far from comfortable.

From the time I was young I have always prayed, "Lord, my life is Yours. Do with me what You will. Use me, Lord." Well, one day I just woke up and it hit me that God was doing this. And do you know what it looked like? Not what I had planned.

I'm not living in Togo or Peru or Vietnam. I don't have small foreign children crawling around me whlie I teach them Bible stories from flannelgraph. I don't even have two or three of my own children to hold and teach. I have no husband. My name is not well known. I don't have two dozen friends and I spend the majority of my Friday nights at home.

But I honestly and sincerely believe God is using me. This week I spent an entire afternoon helping an 88 year old lady try to find a walker she liked. I spent an evening cheering up lonely students from foreign countries who are studying in the US. I washed dishes. I sent e-mails. I answered phone calls. I talked with my sisters. I forfeited what I wanted to do for what others needed. And, I simply was. And my living and moving and being was in the Lord.

We have to believe that our being matters, that our quiet surrender counts to the Lord, that the small "I want to do this, but instead I will do this," is, in the big picture, the taking up of our cross. The world counts success in numbers, in people influenced, in money made, in projects completed, in heights gained. Sometimes the church counts in people saved, children born, and years of marriage. I think it is crucial to our well-being that we realize God counts differently. He counts attitudes changed, He counts small surrenders and little sacrifices, and He counts the steady turning over of our hearts and plans to Him.

I think losing our lives means looking back on our days and weeks and months and years and realizing we didn't live them for ourselves. Our plans are gone, our hopes are laid at the altar, our Isaacs are tied up and given over to Him. We live in the big picture, where the gaining of our souls is the important issue. And to do that, and do it right, involves losing ourselves - in service, in love, in surrender. One day it may suddenly dawn on us that our lives - that is, our plans and goals and desires - are consumed by the burning, eternal fire of "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done." And in this lies the saving of our souls.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on October 22, 2005 | Comments (1)

Every Good Gift

The month of October is quickly ticking by and I'm still single. Do
thoughts like that ever run through your head as they do mine? My brother is getting married. Two of my sisters are in serious relationships and have fun thinking through bridesmaids and groomsmen and receptions and registries. I'm not. And so another month continues in which I am learning yet again to trust the Lord. According to Paul, singleness is a better gift than marriage. Because of this, I expend energy trying not to be a typical shortsighted 6-year-old who wants candy for her birthday and whines when she opens only socks and underwear.

This month I have had the opportunity once again to spend time with my grandma in Minnesota. By the time I leave here, I will have been with her about six weeks. What an unspeakable privilege to be around the epitome of Godly widowhood! Her level of service and ministry and prayer for the body of Christ is one I am learning to emulate. At the same time, being in town has given me the chance to spend a lot of time with multiple aunts and uncles - playing cards, talking, and working. I knew I loved them, but now that love is stronger than it's ever been. I've also been able to play the piano and do other things to support my grandma's church, a place that was dear to the heart of my grandpa, who died last year. My family has such a rich Christian heritage and I enjoy any time I can spend soaking it in and learning to appreciate more fully and deeply those who have given this heritage to me. If I were in a different stage of life (oh, say, married with children), I could not be here doing these things.

This month has truly been a gift from the Lord to me. It's a good gift, a perfect gift, and I am confident it comes from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no shadow of turning. Not a sparrow falls from its nest, not a hair falls from a head, but that same Father notices. Surely He also knows there's a girl by my name that would love to serve a husband. But do you know what? This month He knew the gift I needed even more and that was to be here with Grandma and serve where I am serving. Whether it looks like candy or underwear to me makes no difference - it is the best gift because it is the one I have been given by the best Giver. Lord, I receive this month of
October with joy, knowing it came from You.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on October 14, 2005 | Comments (1)

The Deceitfulness of Biographies

This week I started reading a biography of David Livingstone, the famous missionary to deepest darkest Africa. Itâ€™s a small, short book that has gotten me thinking about something that is for the most part unrelated to Mr. Livingstoneâ€™s missionary service.

I am amused by the methods of biographical writing. Mr. Livingstone worked for many years in a factory for 14 hours a day and then at night stole time to read. It was grueling work. After years of almost clandestine study, he went to a different city and was accepted in missionary school with a medical focus. However, he was initially rejected because of his poor ability to deliver a sermon. What is the bulk of the story that covers this time in his life? A few anecdotes about people who told him he was wonderful - one supervisor at the factory who commended him on his book reading, a couple of faculty members who recognized his determinism at the mission school, and his parents, who encouraged him throughout. These stories are given almost as a premonition, a hidden message that â€œthis will be a great man.â€? They remind me of tales of Abraham Lincoln, â€œfrom log cabin to white house,â€? and as you study him in his log cabin as a child, you almost giggle with the omniscience of a reader, thinking â€œI know what this man is going to turn into!â€? But this is not how life works, my friend.

Livingstone was laughed at for reading, mocked by his peers, and commanded by his father not to study science. He got little sleep for years and years and years because he worked so hard. He was apparently nothing much to look at and hence was disliked by girls, even blatantly rejected by one. He couldnâ€™t preach a decent sermon, and during his delivery examination, he completely blanked out and fled from the pulpit right out the door. To top it off, then he was rejected as a missionary, not even being given the alternative of going to Africa as a carpenter to assist an accepted one. This was not a cake life. Livingstone was not thinking, â€œOh look, these are my seeds of greatness. If I can just endure this, I will become a great and well known servant of the Lord.â€? In fact, he was probably miserable!

Rarely does anyone striving to be great become great and those whom we refer to as great people simply did what was set before them. Greatness is not something to be worked towards, so we shouldnâ€™t be waiting and noting little foreshadowings of it in our lives as if we were living in a biography. What we should do is act like those we read about most likely acted while their biographies were being lived. They persevered, they did what was right, they sought to help people, they endured trial and temptation, they accepted rejection and failure as a part of life and kept going, they worked hard, they sweated â€“ they took up their cross and followed Him. These are the great things in life. Just read the fine print in biographies.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on October 3, 2005 | Comments (0)

Water for the Predictable

Have you ever asked yourself, â€œHow will I ever meet someone to marry if Iâ€™m at home so much?â€? As we conduct our quiet lives, itâ€™s easy to begin to wonder desperately how in the world our Mr. Right will ever find us. After all, we arenâ€™t in college. We donâ€™t have a job. We arenâ€™t going on trips all over the world and being â€œout thereâ€? for someone to see us. Isnâ€™t that how you are supposed to meet a husband? Before you start sending photos of yourself across the country or joining every club in town in order to meet people, I would like to offer a counter scenario. In order to encourage us to think outside the common methods of matchmaking, I present the narrative of the well.

Once upon a sunny or not-so-sunny day, Rebekah wakes up and remembers that she is still single. â€œWhat a sorry lot in life I have,â€? she moans, â€œperhaps I am old enough now to go see Mephibosheth and determine if there might be someone outside of this dreary deserty land of Ur who would like to marry me. I hear those guys from Canaan are pretty good looking.â€? Alas, Rebekah knows her father wouldnâ€™t allow it and she doesnâ€™t hold out much hope for the success of old Mephyâ€™s cross-desert matchmaking anyway. Upon getting out of bed and completing her boudoir, she looks over the list for the day. Watering sheep. "I do that all the time."

Would you believe this story? I wouldnâ€™t. Yet this is how many of us girls-at-home live â€“ whiny, mopey, complaining about our lives. We are constantly looking for a way out, something exciting to do, somebody new to meet, some interesting job to replace the predictable things we do now. Yet in hearing this story, we know the dramatic irony â€“ itâ€™s in the very act of doing the tedious, everyday job that Rebekahâ€™s life is about to change forever.

Multiple places in Scripture we find the story of a woman at a well. The first instance is this one in Genesis chapter 24, in which the servant of Isaac finds him a wife. We see this happening again in Genesis chapter 29, where Jacob meets Rachel.

In both of these situations, we see some parallels to our lives as girls at home.

First of all, these women were in want of something â€“ a husband.
Secondly, these women did not go out pursuing the thing they desired.
Thirdly, these women busied themselves with the work at hand, taking care of their fatherâ€™s business, which was sheep.
Fourth, these women were ready and willing to help others at the well.
Fifth, these women received what they desired.

I tend to think that Rebekah and Rachel were both happy to have the privilege of serving their fathers. I would bet they took great pleasure in watering sheep and in doing the sundry other jobs that were before them. I even tend to think that it is because of this faithfulness that God blessed them with faithful husbands. Matthew 6:33 says, â€œSeek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.â€? Blessings are promised to those who are busy about the work of the Lord, not those who are busy about the work of obtaining blessings.

When our focus, our actions, or even just our thoughts, begin to turn from serving others to finding a mate, we lose the honor of working diligently where God has placed us. Complaining and whining negates our cheerful service. Our well is our home and our sheep watering is the various activities that our Heavenly and earthly fathers have given us to do. Like Rebekah and Rachel, we are to be blissfully unaware of ourselves and look only to the task at hand of serving our Father. Spending time plotting our escape or future excitement only distracts us.

I think one of the interesting things about this story is the predictability of these girls. Genesis 24:11 refers to the â€œtime of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.â€? Sure enough, there was Rebekah. Chapter 29:9 says, â€œAnd while he yet spake with them, Rachel came with her fatherâ€™s sheep; for she kept them.â€? There she was â€“ right on time. Faithfulness could be defined as being where we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be there and it is to the faithful that eternal rewards are promised.

Our diligence may or may not be rewarded with a husband. If your heart is longing for something outside of your current life, donâ€™t fool yourself by supposing that a husband will fix it. Think of another famous woman at a well, namely, the one Jesus met. She was there working as usual and who came up to her? It was the One who gave her living water and enabled her never to thirst again. Our prize may not be an earthly one like Rebekah and Rachelâ€™s, but we are guaranteed that faithfulness is always rewarded with treasures in heaven. Stay patiently at your well. If your fatherâ€™s sheep are all watered, begin to glance around for others who are in need of refreshment. Whatever you do, stay there. The one who has the water of life knows where to find you, whether it be to give you a husband or an everlasting drink. We will never be disappointed.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on October 3, 2005 | Comments (0)

Home: Your First Duty

"Nettie was a jolly girl until she turned pious," exclaimed a bright, good-humoured brother of eighteen. "Since she became religious there is no getting her to do anything. If a fellow brings home a new song she is too busy knitting stockings or making flannel petticoats for all the old women in her district, to find time to accompany him on the piano. If a fellow asks her to go for a row, or take a turn in the public gardens, she really cannot spare the time.

"Let them first learn to show piety at home," was the Apostle Paul's injunction in regard to young widows; and surely he would reiterate the thought, were he amongst us today, in reference to the sisters and the daughters of the home.
Nettie had mistaken her mission, when she thought less of those at home than of the poor. Surely her brother's need was greater and had larger claim upon her time and energies than all the wants of a destitute poor whom God had not placed within the precincts of her home! To go to her district with her Bible in her hand might seem to be more in accordance with the thoughts of true piety, than to be in her place at home without the Bible in her hand, ready to accompany her brother's songs, to mend his gloves, to share his leisure hours; but in the sight of Him who tries the thoughts of our hearts, and weighs the motives of our lives, which, think you, would win from Him the "Well done, thou good and faithful servant;" the work He gave, or the work she chose?

My dear young sisters, make up your mind to the fact that religion is intended to make you shine at home. It need not and will not prevent your frequent work for others in the spare hours you can justly call your own; but unless it makes you, as a daughter, more thoughtful and considerate, more eager to obey and hold the smallest wish of either parent in sacred trust; unless it gives you, as a sister, a keener sense of your responsibilities, and a more earnest desire and effort to win to a higher, purer life the brothers of the home; unless your Christian life means this to you, you have yet to learn that your highest service to God is to live the life He gives you and to do His will.

From Our Daughters: Their Lives Here and Hereafter

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on October 3, 2005 | Comments (0)

Home - A Taste of Heaven

Perhaps we understand and appreciate the pleasures of home better when we can enjoy them no longer. What lingering looks and loving thoughts do we turn back to the home of our childhood! How, when the snow has fallen upon our heads, and life's winter is passing over us, do we turn to the sunny spot which is still embalmed in our hearts and memories as the fairest on earth! A boy goes away from his native place; he grows up to be a man, mixes with the great, eager world, and becomes part of it; he fights, and struggles and presses on in the battle for position and wealth, and is perhaps unsuccessful. But what are his first thoughts then? Feeling body and spirit alike weary, being worn out by the efforts he has had to make, it becomes necessary for him to have rest and change. Then the hitherto unspoken thought finds utterance: "I will go to the old place where I was born; I shall get well and strong."

And with what overwhelming emotions does he gaze on the old familiar places! There is no meadow like that at the back of his father's house, no broad river that can at all equal the little silver stream which ran by the cottage door. The man cannot keep back the tears as he gazes, for O,the years that give us a little take away so much! Men speak well of him, he has climbed the hill, and has been warmed in the rays of prosperity. The years have given him a name, and position, and the increase of riches, but they have stiffened the arms that clasped him, and stilled the voices that called him by the old pet names; and as for the cottage where his father and mother lived, it is either altogether pulled down and lost, or its floors are trodden by the feet of strangers, and the faces that used to brighten at his approach lie white and still beneath the daisies. But, even with that great loss in his heart, the man loves with a tenderness beyond his power of expression the dear little spot which even now he calls home.
Seeing that home is so attractive, that it so clings to the heart even in after years, what kind of place should it be? And how can we all live good lives therein? Even were there no other reason than this which we have given, there is need that all who have anything to do with home, with its duties, and pleasures, and enjoyments, should use their utmost endeavors to promote its prosperity and secure its happiness. It is, indeed, a sad thing when persons allow themselves to feel carelessly about home, and those who dwell in it. "Anything will do for this evening; nobody will call, and I shall not leave home." We would rather say entertain strangers cheerfully, if they call, but keep your best, your very best, for home. The true life, the life that may be made the fullest and most satisfactory, where there is most room for the exhibition of virtue, and where vice dare not lift its head, is that which is lived in a well-conducted Christian home. We earnestly hope that before long we may all have learned to value our homes more, and to be skillful in beautifying them, so that they may not only be to us as places in which to dwell, but as foretastes of the heavenly home.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on September 7, 2005 | Comments (0)

The Tranquility of a Quiet Life

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is 1 Thessalonians 4:11, which says, â€œMake it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you.â€? (New International Version) This injunction to lead a quiet life is one often neglected, even among homemakers. I am definitely not against activity and I think serving others and participating in things outside the home are both enriching and necessary. However, as in all things, I think it is wise to examine what we choose to do and why we choose to do it. You know the old saying, â€œHow busy is not as important as why busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted.â€?

One thing that distracts us from leading a quiet life oftentimes, is the cacophony of our own thoughts. I realized this awhile ago during one of my first visits to Texas. As I was at home alone during the day, the immense silence started caving in on me. Most of us, I think, are not comfortable being left alone to our thoughts. We get discontent, irritable, and melancholic when all we have to listen to is our mind churning. There is a discipline the old Benedictine monks knew when they took vows of silence. It takes a certain level of maturity to enjoy oneâ€™s own company and learn the meaning of â€œpray continually,â€? when the Lord is the only one around. Filling our days with movement has the possibility of hindering us from developing a needful and helpful spiritual peace.

Another thing that keeps us from the quiet life is thinking that activity validates us or makes us important. Stress is almost like a merit badge in our present world. You ask someone how they are and they respond, â€œBusy! Iâ€™ve hardly had 10 minutes at home all week. How are you?â€? If you say, â€œWell, my life has been fairly quiet lately,â€? you might get an incredulous stare. Obviously, this person is thinking, if youâ€™re not busy, you are either stupid, a burden on society, or just plain old lazy. Yes, being stupid or lazy would be sinning, but we shouldnâ€™t involve ourselves in things just to avoid being thought so. Whatever happened to drinking lemonade and chatting with the neighbors? We run around too much as a society and this habit has turned our stress level into our worth level, which is wrong.

A third thing that keeps us from the quiet life is boredom. â€œWhat is there really to do at home anyway?â€? we think. This can be a danger especially to those who have been away from home and then returned, as they are used to constant motion, as I was when I first left school. It was hard to have the creativity and motivation necessary to be productive. We tend to define boredom as stillness of the body, when in actuality it is probably better thought of as stillness of the mind. It has been said that only boring people are ever bored. The world of books and imagination and the life inside a home is limitless. Always keeping busy is an ineffective antidote to boredom, because you are in danger of simply moving around with hidden atrophy going on behind the scenes.

There is nothing wrong with activity and service. In fact, we are commanded in the Bible to be diligent and industrious. However, activity for the sake of activity is bad. It leads us to possible confusion of doing and being and we may be at risk for determining our worth by what we produce. We are valuable because we are, not because we do. Before engaging in any activity, we should ask ourselves a few questions. Will this be keeping me from other, more important things? Am I doing this because I am not comfortable with silence? Am I trying to find worth in what I do? Am I just bored and avoiding the reality of my own shallowness of mind? Be deliberate in your schedule planning.
A quiet life does not preclude activity, motion, or noise. What it does preclude is letting our hearts be unsettled by chaos, both in our lives and in our minds. Covering up for a poor spiritual condition by goings on and runnings around will not pay off in the long run. Once we are at peace and our thoughts are tranquil, then we are in a position to be busy and still remain quiet.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on September 7, 2005 | Comments (0)

Can You Can?

Did you know reports say that 24% of American still can? If you ask, â€œstill can do what?â€?, youâ€™re definitely not in the 24%. I use the word â€œcanâ€? to mean the process of home preservation of foods. My family and I have been canning for years and for us, it is an experience of work, fun, and rewards.

If youâ€™ve never canned before, let me explain the basics. You acquire some fruits or vegetables that you want to preserve fresh for the winter. Every year, we can peaches, pears, jams and jellies (strawberry, blueberry, mixed berry, or grape), salsa, and pie filling (blueberry and/or cherry). 0f course, the most rural thing you can do is pick your own fruits and vegetables, but getting them from a farmerâ€™s market or roadside stand is usually almost as economical. The aesthetic value of a kitchen full of fresh produce is unbelievable!

Then you need to find a book of canning instructions and follow them. If you make errors, you could end up with botulism poisoning, so itâ€™s important to adhere to directions. Peaches must be rinsed, boiled to soften the skins, then peeled and dipped in preserver. Pears are similar. Both are scooped into jars and then covered with a liquid solution to fill in the holes. Salsa is mixed up and cooked on the stove for an hour or two, then poured into jars. Jelly recipes vary.

Sounds like work? Yes, it is. But it also sounds like fun. Why?

First of all, canning is the ultimate aesthetic experience. All five senses are involved in this glorious display of creation and art. Your eyes can look upon the beautiful colors and shapes of the fruits and vegetables â€“ the smooth skin of tomatoes, the bumps and curves of pears, the bright red of strawberries and deep purple of grapes. Your hands can feel the delightful sensation of being covered in the â€œstuffâ€? of the earth. I love peeling tomatoes and peaches and having my hands buried in the goo and muck, letting it dry all over my fingers. (Itâ€™s almost as good as when we used to cover a finger or two with Elmerâ€™s glue, let it dry, and peel it off.) Sometimes the peaches are so slick we can barely hold onto them and the peppers for salsa so hot we have to wear plastic baggies on our hands while we cut them up. Did I mention the nose and mouth? Ahhh, what gloriousness. Food of the gods, as they would say in Greek mythology. My sisters always tease me when we do peaches; we peel the peach and slice it up, leaving just the core, which inevitably has a little more than â€œjust the coreâ€? left on it. Iâ€™ve been known to wait eagerly for a lull, in which I attack the discard bowl and start sucking on the peach cores, mumbling â€œtastes like Heaven.â€? (Thatâ€™s the part when they start laughing, but then they also save the really good-looking ones for me, so it works out fine.) Honestly, I donâ€™t see how fruit in the garden of Eden could have had a better aroma and flavor than our fresh peaches do. Oh, and I almost forgot the ears. The sounds of canning are not unique â€“ the stove fan on, music playing for our entertainment, usually the air conditioner humming, people scurrying back and forth, except for one unforgettable sound that culminates this process. When the jars are taken out of the boiling water, we put them on a towel to cool and sit close by, waiting for the familiar â€œclickâ€? of the lids as they make their final seal, letting us know we did things right and our food is safe and ready to be stored.

Secondly, canning is an ideal time for fellowship and fun. My sisters and mom and I almost always can together. Once or twice someone has been gone or sick and weâ€™ve had to use less people. Last summer Hannah and I did salsa just the two of us and realized that everything still gets done. Shh! We donâ€™t mention that because it is way more fun to have everyone in the kitchen together. Two people peel, one person goes back and forth to the woods with the scraps, one person pulls the sterilized jars out of the water and dries them, and one scoops the fruit into them. Sometimes when things are slow we appoint a resting position and take turns having it. That guy is always responsible for entertaining!

Third, canning gives us a chance to see, literally, the FRUIT of our hands. I tell you, nothing compares with the sight of multiple shelves full of jars of food that we made ourselves. From things that grew out of the ground we get things that will be nutritious and delicious. Iâ€™ll never forget the time I visited the home of a family in Ohio who had 12 children. They had a small outbuilding just for the purpose of canning, in which I was privileged to go and saw multiple shelves, about 3 feet deep and 7 feet tall, completely filled with home canned food. Thatâ€™s my goal! Letâ€™s face it â€“ most household jobs are constantly needing to be done; laundry gets soiled again next week, the sink fills with dirty dishes in an hour, but when you can a shelf or two of food, it will be there almost a whole year. Thatâ€™s more permanent visible fruit of our labor! Weâ€™ve even been known to can certain types of food just so it will look good on the shelf. â€œBut if we skip the grape jelly, weâ€™ll be missing the darker end of the spectrum all year!â€?

Fourth, canning fulfills a feminine need and call we have to prepare food for our families. Proverbs 31 says the virtuous woman â€œbringeth food from afarâ€? and â€œgives meat to her household.â€? When we play an active part in the preparation and distribution of food, we are being obedient to help nourish and sustain our families. This gives me great pleasure!

If youâ€™ve never tried canning, give it a shot. All you need is a basic canning pot (I found mine, relatively free from rust, at a garage sale for a dollar), a few kitchen gadgets, and some current safety information. Canning is a tremendously rewarding and fulfilling process and one that can be enjoyed by everyone, but especially by women at home. Not only will you be putting away food for a year, but youâ€™ll also be storing and preserving memories and skills that will last a lifetime.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on August 25, 2005 | Comments (1)

Where Should I Serve?

A few years ago, my sister Martha and I helped with food preparation for Meals on Wheels in our local town. Almost all of the other workers were over 75 and no longer as sharp as they could be in the kitchen. One day we were making lunch and someone was adding a seasoning and then realized that some people on the delivery route were not supposed to have salt. So the lady carefully looked over the ingredient list and, relieved, said â€œOkay, no salt in this â€“ just sodium.â€? Heh heh.

This story illustrates the need most of our local towns have for young volunteers! The majority of people in our communities are working and as I have delved into various service opportunities, Iâ€™ve discovered that as a result of this, most of those volunteering around town are over 75. One of our primary tasks as daughters at home is that of serving others. In this time of life, we are uniquely able to do this because of our small number of outside commitments, our high levels of energy and creativity, and our free time. Letâ€™s do some brainstorming to come up with various areas we could serve in and help us to think outside the box when we are attempting to find ways to help others.

Outside of our own homes, where weâ€™ll assume weâ€™re all already serving significantly, one of the most obvious places to find people who need help is in our own neighborhood. Elderly people could often use help with yard work, getting the mail, picking up groceries, or getting a ride to a doctorâ€™s appointment. Older people or people of any age who lives alone often canâ€™t or donâ€™t cook much and really appreciate food of all kinds, especially when itâ€™s made well and served with a garnish. Often when we make large desserts or big meals, we run some next door, next door the other way, and across the street! Doing this can get you more than you bargained for, though â€“ one time we brought chocolate orange rolls to the people across the street, only to be asked the next day if we would make 10 dozen for their senior citizenâ€™s party! Try putting flowers on the tray or send along a cheerful napkin. Sometimes just showing up at the door for a friendly 10-minute chat can mean a lot. You may discover other ways to help them while youâ€™re at it; our next door neighbor now canâ€™t fall asleep if our upstairs hallway light is not left on to assure her that we are home!

Next take a look at your local church. You may not want to teach Sunday School or volunteer for Vacation Bible School, but how about looking for the often-neglected areas of need? Is anyone planting flowers around the building? Could the pianist use a break once in awhile? Do the pews need dusting? Iâ€™ve discovered at my church a whole list of shut-ins who arenâ€™t able to get to church or anywhere else. I picked one and started visiting her retirement home once a week. We go out to lunch together and itâ€™s her only meal all week where she gets to pick what she wants to eat! After that we do some shopping, chatting all the while, and she always tells me how much she looks forward to her only break from the home. Quite possibly, you could find some small areas of need either at the church itself or among those in the church.

Another area of great need is in our towns. Like I said, many organizations are desperate for young volunteers! Check into the Red Cross, Meals on Wheels or other programs to feed the hungry, local food shelves, consignment stores for people with low incomes, crisis pregnancy centers, nursing homes (how about volunteering to lead a weekly hymn sing?), etc. Think about what your interests and talents are and consider where the greatest area of need is in your area.

Another place to check for service opportunities is national organizations that may have a local chapter, especially branches of Christian ministries. Iâ€™ve done lots of volunteer work with International Students, Inc., who works to introduce foreign students studying in America to the gospel while helping them learn about American culture. Through this work, Iâ€™ve met wonderful friends from all over the world that I am still in contact with even after they return to their home countries. My family has also volunteered with the Joni and Friends organization for people with handicaps and my sister Hannah is a hospice volunteer. Itâ€™s also good to pay attention to needs you may hear of elsewhere that you could fill. My sisters and I have spent time with a family in Virginia who have 6 children, one with a disability, and the mother was undergoing treatment for cancer last year. You may know someone who knows someone who could use the helping hands of a cheerful girl!

Chapter 4 of In My Fatherâ€™s House has this to say, â€œTo few is the choice so easy, the field of duty so wide, that she need puzzle very long over what she ought to do. Generally â€“ and this is the best and safest guide â€“ she will find her work lying very near at hand: some desultory tastes to condense into regular studies, some faulty household quietly to remodel, some child to teach, or parent to watch over. All these being needless or unattainable, she may extend her service out of the home into the world, which perhaps never at any time so much needed the help of us women. And how many of its charities and duties can best be done only by a wise and tender womanâ€™s hand? Here occurs another of those plain rules which are the only guidance possible in the matter â€“ a Bible rule, too: â€˜Whatsoever they hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.â€™â€?

Like this quote says, generally our field of duty is nearby. However, if our home is well taken care of, spending time helping others outside of our comfort zone is an excellent use of time. There is so much to be done in the world and often the work is best done by the loving tender heart and hands of a woman.

A few pointers - #1) Whenever you are engaged in service, do it as an outreach of your family. My dad often says that if he didnâ€™t have a job, he would be out helping people, but in his place he sends us as his messengers. A good way to remind ourselves of this is to bring along other members of our family when we are helping somewhere, if possible. Donâ€™t get trapped into the mindset that â€œIâ€? am doing these great works, but instead remind yourself that â€œI am here on behalf of my family as its extension.â€? In the same way, all ministry we do is as emissaries of the Lord Jesus Christ. The glory is His as we serve His people. The hands and feet of the body of Christ donâ€™t get praise for themselves over what great looking body parts they are. All we do should reflect honor back to the Lord. #2) Donâ€™t waste time looking for prestigious or rewarding things to do. Find something and do it, no matter how dirty, how thankless, how time-consuming it is. Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors and we ought not only minister to those who donâ€™t need a physician. #3) Always, always make sure your home responsibilities are fulfilled before you plan extra outside activities.

Weâ€™re not out to earn brownie points. Living at home after high school is not glorified girl scouts where we attempt to earn our nursing home badge, our teaching badge, and our cooking for the neighbors badge. We are simply to enjoy a lifestyle of Christian service, as we are commanded by Christ. Sometimes it takes creative thinking and lots of telephone calls in order to discern which doors the Lord would open for us, but thatâ€™s okay. Most of the time it will involve true, hard work, and often it will be the kind that gets your hands dirty. We donâ€™t live for ourselves, but others, and what better way to demonstrate that than by active, constant service? Remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 25:40, â€œAnd the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me.â€?

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on August 16, 2005 | Comments (0)

What Should I Do?

When I first came home from college, I was baffled by the length of days and the brevity of my â€œto-doâ€? list. How could I possibly fill the massive hours I had with my few responsibilities? While thinking on this, I had the opportunity to meet a wise girl who had stayed home until marriage and she gave me this advice: â€œPray and ask God to fill your schedule, and He will!â€? So I did, for the most part doubting that I would ever be busy. As you may have guessed, I was wrong and my adviser was right, and I ended up with a fairly full weekly docket.

Laziness is a great temptation for girls at home, especially after high school. Now if you have six little brothers I suppose your time is pretty much full to begin with, but for others the path of duty may not be so obvious, especially if you have a few sisters who share the load. As our first principle of schedule-filling, we must remember that idleness is not an option! The old adage that â€œidle minds are the devilâ€™s workshopâ€? is quite true and idle hands can cause further trouble. Biblically, we donâ€™t have the option of laying around, eating grapes, and watching television. We must work and we must work on something profitable.

In thinking about what activities should fill my schedule, I like to keep in mind 1 Thessalonians 4:11, â€œ. . . Study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands. . .â€? In considering business, we should do our own first. The path of the duty is the first to be walked and that starts in our own homes. We ought not be gallivanting around the country or the town or the street if our beds arenâ€™t made and our familyâ€™s clothes arenâ€™t washed. Take an inventory of your household, with the help of your parents. Is everything getting done on a weekly basis that needs to be done? Are the ceiling fans dusted? Are Dadâ€™s shirts ironed? Are the cupboards getting cleaned regularly and the floors mopped? Itâ€™s easy to get into survival mode in a home and only clean the dirtiest places, so if weâ€™re looking for something to do, we should start by making sure nothing is falling through the cracks in our own house. It may surprise you how many needful things have been neglected and how pleasant a few extra hours a week can make things!

Secondly, we need to consider furthering our education. Choosing not to attend college should in no way keep us from developing our minds! All Christians are called to study and learn all their lives and women are no exception. Chapter 6 of In My Fatherâ€™s House says this: â€œA wife should be able to maintain intelligent conversation with her husband and his friends, and this requires the cultivation of general intelligence.â€? Even if we will never marry, it is our duty to be interesting people who know enough to carry on â€œintelligent conversationâ€? with anyone we meet. A good way to do this is to know a little about a lot of things, taking care to ensure that what we know is accurate information. My goal has been to at least know enough to ask relevant questions! This may take a little creativity, but go for it anyway. Check into classes in your local area, frequent your library, and meet and converse with people from all walks of life. The guideline has been suggested in IMFH that ideally a girl should study between 10 and 1 each day. Iâ€™ve tried this and found it a good length of time, enough to keep my mind cultivated, but not enough to keep me from doing other necessary things.

Third, we need to explore options for serving others. This is where we get into the realm of even greater creativity! The world is big and we are small so we need to move slowly in determining where we serve. A great place to start is in your own neighborhood. My family has spent time getting to know some of the people on our street and in the process discovered that some of them need help and all of them love food, especially dessert! After that, take a look at your church; find an area of ministry that has been neglected and help out. Look around the town you live in; is there a program for feeding the hungry that could use assistance? Hurting people are everywhere and as part of the body of Christ, itâ€™s our responsibility to meet needs where we can.

There are three other things to consider when talking about our daily schedule. First of all, itâ€™s important to keep in mind the vision of our family. If your family doesnâ€™t have one, make one! Our job as daughters should be to support the work of our father, whatever that may be, so we need to consult his advice in choosing activities. For example, part of our familyâ€™s mission is hospitality, so a good share of our time goes to that work of service. My dad often has customers from other countries at his office and he loves to have them over to our house. We are always and ever serving dinner to somebody, and my dad is pleased anytime we are able to help someone and bring him back a report. This year our company turned into overnight company and we ended up with out-of-town guests at our house almost straight for three months! At one time we had three weeks of solid visitors. Opening up your life to the Lordâ€™s work can give you a full schedule really fast!

Secondly, many girls I know at home (including myself) are involved in something that gives them some spending money, be it music lessons, art lessons, etc. I donâ€™t think this is a bad thing to do, but I think we need to caution ourselves to keep it in perspective. As women, we are to be bread servers, not bread winners, so we must be careful to guard anything we do for pay. These activities should never take precedent over our duties and service and ought to be flexible enough to be rescheduled or cancelled if some area of responsibility appears. This time of our lives is for growing, learning, and serving, and earning money is at the bottom of our list.

Third, remember there is nothing wrong with having a quiet life. Our world is full of busy people running back and forth constantly, with no real living going on. Those whose lives are quieter are often the only ones who notice and appreciate beautiful flowers, a pretty sunset, majestic symphonies, and other wonderful things in Godâ€™s creation. Sadly, they are also often the only ones who hear the sweet questions of small children, who are home on the street to run next door and help out when the ambulance pulls up, who can intervene across the country to sit with an ailing relative. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 even says that we should study to be quiet! If your schedule is not booked from sunrise to sunset every day, donâ€™t assume you need to change that.

We are especially privileged in this time of life; we have no husbands and children that need attention, no house of our own to fix up and care for, no job responsibilities that call for us from 8 to 5. We are wholly able to allow the Lord to fill our days with activities that will help His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Letâ€™s not be lazy; letâ€™s not fill our days with meaningless tasks and other peopleâ€™s business; letâ€™s not live for ourselves. Instead, let us meekly remember what the Lord requires of us â€“ not to do great things, not to save the world, not to buzz from place to place for the sake of having something â€œimportantâ€? to tend - but simply to do justice, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God. Itâ€™s the beautiful call of a Christian and we are uniquely suited to answer it.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on August 3, 2005 | Comments (1)

Flashy Works Vs. Pious Service

It's far better to look ordinary and be obedient than it is to look wonderful and be a hypocrite. In fact, the latter is defined here as a "false prophet" - one who touts the Lord's name, does works that look Christian, but is in fact disobedient in heart.

I was reading this afternoon from the Matthew Henry commentary, still working through the sermon on the mount. If you think that's long, you should read what Matthew Henry has to say about it! I'm currently in chapter 7, verses 21-23, about the false prophets and Jesus saying "I never knew you."

In these verses, those who have done mighty works in the name of the Lord are using their past records to show that they really knew God. But Jesus says that just because someone has done "wonderful" works - casting out devils and prophesying, for example - doesn't mean they knew Him. The one who shall enter the kingdom of heaven is the one who "doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven," which will is defined by Matthew Henry to be "that we believe in Christ, that we repent of sin, that we live a holy life, that we love one another. This is his will, even our sanctification." The works full of wonder couldn't matter less; it's the pious and merciful, obedient ones that count. God cares whether we treat our neighbor Christianly, whether we repent when we sin, whether we are what we seem.

It's funny how in our fast readings of this gospel, we tend to assume we're safe if we don't practice exorcism or prophesy on a regular basis. But the point here is the outward flashiness, which can take many forms, as opposed to the quiet, regular obedience. What we look like doesn't matter so much as whether we are producing good fruit, as shown in vereses 16-19. We can look entirely like a grape vine, but if no grapes are showing up, but in fact figs, we can't argue that we looked nice and therefore should be considered a grape vine.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on August 1, 2005 | Comments (0)

Chat Log 2: Wasting Time

Listen in as Naomi and Emma have a discussion about activities that keep young ladies from using their time wisely.

Naomi Joy says:
Let's talk about being busy. That's in chapter 1 of In My Father's House , "idle time not idly spent". I think a lot of girls at home, when it comes down to it, do nothing most of the time.

Naomi Joy says:
Why do you think that is and how can we avoid it?

Emma says:
: processing :

Emma says:
Okay.

Emma says:
I think some people go to college for selfish reasons.

Naomi Joy says:
Definitely

Emma says:
I think some people stay home for ultimately selfish reasons.

Naomi Joy says:
Ha - that's just what I was going to say

Emma says:
Maybe they don't know why they're there.

Naomi Joy says:
Even people who stay home for the right reasons can end up being selfish

Emma says:
We need to challenge ourselves to think of why we are at home

Naomi Joy says:
Right. What do you think are some of the biggest time-wasters for girls at home?

Emma says:
Uh, sleep.

Naomi Joy says:
Ha. Good one

Emma says:
The more things you have to do, the more you get done. And when you
don't know where you're going, any train will get you there. How's that for clichÃ©s?

Naomi Joy says:
Excellent

Emma says:
But they really are true.

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, definitely if we are not focused, we are more likely to waste time.

Emma says:
I spend totally too much time on my hair. I have no idea how much time other girls spend on theirs.

Naomi Joy says:
Yeah, hair and probably a lot of us waste time on makeup, excess
primping in general

Emma says:
I just don't know how "generally specific" I could get with actual
details to back it up but, yeah, I expect so.

Naomi Joy says:
I understand...just working on how we look,which is important, but not THAT important

Naomi Joy says:
Let's see....

Naomi Joy says:
Well, tv, if you have one you can waste a lot of time.

Emma says:
Oh I forgot about tv

Emma says:
yes or MSN

Emma says:
RIGHT

Naomi Joy says:
HEY,this is productive

Naomi Joy says:
and it's also late afternoon.

Naomi Joy says:
How about talking on the phone? We definitely need encouragement and
friendship can be a blessing and helpful, but it can be really easy to waste time gabbing for no reason at bad times of the day when we
should be doing other stuff

Emma says:
it's sometimes productive, yes

Emma says:
or daydreaming

Naomi Joy says:
ooo - another good one

Emma says:
or reading silly stuff

Naomi Joy says:
Oh yes

Naomi Joy says:
Reading useless and nonprofitable things

Naomi Joy says:
like...what would be useless and nonprofitable?

Naomi Joy says:
like magazines, maybe? at least some of them

Naomi Joy says:
newspapers...when you're just finding out all the bad stuff in the
world for no reason

Naomi Joy says:
Maybe, like you said, it has sometimes more to do with our motivation

Emma says:
yes I think that's the base thing

Naomi Joy says:
For example, I could read a book to learn something or I could read a
book because I don't feel like working on something else

Emma says:
or because you think Mr. Cuteface will think you're amazing if you
mention you're reading Rushdoony

Emma says:
can't exactly see that particular scenario happening, but I think
there are probably variations

Emma says:
So...what's left?

Emma says:
Eating is totally productive.

Naomi Joy says:
Eating is totally productive - ha ha

Naomi Joy says:
Let's see...

Naomi Joy says:
I think some girls spend excessive amounts of time practicing music

Naomi Joy says:
Not us, of course

Naomi Joy says:
But there's a point where you're practicing to improve skill and
there's a point where you are just wasting time because the piano is
there and it's easier to do that than find something more productive

Emma says:
I agree with you on the music thing

Naomi Joy says:
well...like me, for example

Naomi Joy says:
I will walk by the piano, see it, and sit down and play for 20 minutes when I should be doing something else.

Naomi Joy says:
I could argue I am "improving my skill to glorify God" but I'm really
just messing around.

Emma says:
Okay, sometimes I sit down and mess around like that

Emma says:
and it's not always ok

Emma says:
BUT

Emma says:
sometimes I'm doing it to celebrate

Naomi Joy says:
oh yes

Naomi Joy says:
Often it is good, but it could potentially waste time if we let it.

Emma says:
Right

Emma says:
just make sure we're not down on doing things for pleasure

Naomi Joy says:
right, we are definitely not against pleasure

Naomi Joy says:
I love it that Micah's keyboard can go on "pipe organ." It almost
makes me think there's an organ here

Emma says:
IT CAN GO ON PIPE ORGAN?

Emma says:
neato freato

Naomi Joy says:
Even has a sustaining pedal, which is more than you can say for most
pipe organs - ha ha

Emma says:
Does it make your rib cage vibrate?

Naomi Joy says:
It would even be okay if I was thinking, "I think I will play the
piano right now" and not just idling time away without paying attention.

Naomi Joy says:
yeah, probably again going back to the motivation thing

Naomi Joy says:
Exercising, maybe? That could be a waste of time if it's out of
balance in our life

Naomi Joy says:
Oh - shopping!

Naomi Joy says:
Girls waste time shopping

Emma says:
yes, or Internet browsing

Emma says:
even blog reading

Emma says:
I hate to say...

Naomi Joy says:
Lol

Naomi Joy says:
Reading MY blog is never a waste of time

Emma says:
Lol

Naomi Joy says:
For that matter, WRITING blogs

Naomi Joy says:
yes, definitely the internet in all forms can waste time

Emma says:
I have to agree. But you know.

Naomi Joy says:
I always laugh when I come across the home school mother bulletin boards.

Naomi Joy says:
Some of those ladies post multiple times a day and I just can't see
how they have time for that. The chances of something important being neglected have got to be pretty high

Emma says:
And maybe they have it all together. I don't see how. But maybe they do.

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, maybe they do

Naomi Joy says:
Hmmm...anything else?

Emma says:
I can't think of anything right now. I'll keep a log tomorrow and see
what else I come up with!

Emma says:
Ha

Naomi Joy says:
I think the bottom line in all of that is that whatever stage of life
we are in, we are not allowed to be lazy

Emma says:
or maybe better than lazy, selfish...laziness is basically selfishness

Naomi Joy says:
Doesn't the Bible say "mind your own business, work with your hands,"
"study to show yourself approved," "go to the ant."

Naomi Joy says:
If we're just flittering time away because were waiting to be married, we have the wrong idea

Naomi Joy says:
Hey, maybe some people work to waste time as in, get a job because you are bored and anxious to be married

Emma says:
Yes. Also I think we have to realize that work is not "safe...."

Naomi Joy says:
If you're working for the wrong reasons

Emma says:
not disagreeing with you at all, but clarifying

Naomi Joy says:
It seems like all of Christianity comes down to the heart, doesn't it?

Emma says:
sometimes the Bible says to just look and wonder

Naomi Joy says:
Yes

Emma says:
and celebrate creation...yeah, it's all the heart

Naomi Joy says:
Right

Naomi Joy says:
Again, attitude and motivation

Naomi Joy says:
It's different to "Be still and know that I am God" and "I'm going to
just sit still because I'm too lazy to find something else to do.
Maybe while I'm here I'll know He's God."

Naomi Joy says:
Ha ha

Emma says:
right

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on July 15, 2005 | Comments (0)

To Camp and Back

Another great week of Joni and Friends Family Retreat Camp ended this morning and we came home tired and teary-eyed. My third year turned out to be the best in many ways and I am overwhelmed at all the things I realized about myself, the world, and Sarah, my charge for the week.

The first year of camp I worked with an 8-year-old with brain damage. She most likely has age level cognitive abilities, but is unable to speak, except to say "mom," "dad," and other short words. However, she laughs, shakes, and is overall responsive. Even so, that week was very difficult, as I had no previous experience with non-verbal kids and probably very little experience with the handicapped in general. I did my best, made better friends with her sisters than with her, but was not "successful" in the sense of having conquered my inhibitions.

Last year I helped in the nursery, and while we had a few children with disabilities in that room, my interaction was sporadic and limited. Meanwhile, two months of living with a family with a disabled child made me completely comfortable interacting with those who can't speak, but I hadn't realized quite how much it had changed me until this year.

Camp is full of people with disabilities - Down's syndrome, Rett's syndrome, ADD, cerebral palsy, spinal bifida, muscular dystrophy, paralysis (paraplegics, quadriplegics), PDD, blindess, deafness, etc. - pretty much everything. The typical volunteer experience consists of working one-on-one with somebody with a disability and I would say the average person is maybe in a wheelchair but fully interactive. There are a few kids there, however, who would be considered severely disabled, meaning non-responsive usually or always, non-communicative, usually moaning or drooling or something. I thought I could handle anybody in a wheelchair, but I'd probably not be up to someone with that severe of a disability. Practically, how can you love and hug somebody who just lays there and does nothing? Well, my mind was changed this year.

The family I was with requested me primarily to be friends with their other two daughters, age 13 and 11, and to oversee the nursery care of the 2 year old boy. However, the nurse who usually takes care of Sarah was only able to be there about 15% of the activity time, and so I ended up taking charge of her while the parents were in their Bible studies and support group meetings. Overall, I had her with me the majority of the time.

So far every year at camp I've been involved with the children's ministry - making crafts, playing wild games, breaking open pinatas, etc., but this year Sarah and I went to the teen room which was a different and great experience. We sang, had competitions, went to the "coffee house," listened to Joni and Joel give testimonies, and other such things. The bonfire, talent show, pool party, and other activities were all great, but what really impacted me was the "take a step back" that I was forced to do and what I noticed.

My mom shared the best summary, I think, that she learned in one of the seminars she went to. Someone once said, "We are all born broken. We live by mending. The grace of God is the glue." Those with disabilities are often overlooked and unloved and viewed as abormal in a normal world, when in fact the truth is that the world is abnormal and their condition is normal in an abnormal world. We live on a fallen planet and we are fallen people. We are all broken - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - some of us are just able to hide it better than others. These people can't hide the fact that they are born broken - without a limb, with an extra chromosone, with legs or arms that don't work right - whatever. But we are no different. To see these kids worshipping God....Eric with Down's banging on his tamborine in perfect rhythm, trying to trust God to take care of him during his upcoming surgery; David with CP in a wheelchair doing sign language for Chad, who wants to know what's going on but needs an interpreter; Kim and Cindy who use language boards with a machine that speaks what they type singing "Amazing Grace" through their mechanical "voices"; Sarah and Laura who have brothers with disabilities and try their best to act like it doesn't bother them; Mike and Chris who "sing" by making noise; Laura who laughs during every song, especially when Mike kneels down by her feet and wiggles her animals for her; all of them singing our song for the week - "Why should I give up when Your plans are full of love? Why should I be afraid when You put the stars in place? In this world you will have trouble, but I have overcome the world!" - every one of them struggling to cope with the life that God has given them. They try to forgive those who make fun of them. They pray and worship in their own way. And there I sat with Sarah, who moaned, thrashed her head, drooled, who had two seizures, turning blue and shaking violently, who doesn't talk, doesn't smile, doesn't laugh, maybe doesn't even understand anything I said to her... I sat there and wiped up the drool, ran for the nurse, held her hand, sang for her, scratched her back, chatted quietly to her, called her "sweetheart," rubbed her hair, and somehow fell in love, realizing that it's just as easy to love those who are visibly broken as it is to love those of us who cover up our brokenness.

Thomas Merton said this: "If we are too anxious to find absolute perfection in created things we cease to look for perfection where alone it can be found: in God. The secret of the imperfection of all things, of their inconstancy, their fragility, their falling into nothingness, is that they are only a shadowy expression of the one Being from Whom they receive their being. If they were absolutely perfect and changeless in themselves, they would fail in their vocation, which is to give glory to God by their contingency...As long as we are on earth our vocation is precisely to be imperfect, incomplete, insufficient in ourselves, changing, hapless, destitute, and weak, hastening toward the grave. But the power of God and His eternity and His peace and His completeness and His glory must somehow find their way into our lives, secretly, while we are here, in order that we may be found in Him eternally as He has meant us to be."

Camp makes me slow down and listen to people with tiny lungs and small voices because they have things to say. It makes me do dumb and stupid things in order to make a girl with PDD feel "cool." It makes me talk loud and laugh a lot and dance and act goofy in order to include people. Because for one week these kids belong. They get clapped for and cheered for and told that they are special and worth something and for most of them, it's probably the only time all year anybody thinks they are worth talking to, let alone slows down enough to listen to them.

After six days, I got in the car and started looking ahead to what I have going on this week and next. It is all so far away at camp. There nothing matters but people and I think that's probably how things ought to be all the time.

— Posted by Naomi

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on July 6, 2005 | Comments (1)

Getting From Here to There

One of my husbandâ€™s main complaints about business meetings is peopleâ€™s lack of ability to see how to get from point A to point B. The discussion gets off track, too much time is spent on side items, and the focus is removed from the real issueâ€¦what should we do to get from â€œhereâ€? to â€œthereâ€?? When looking at the lives of adult daughters, we often have the same problem. Helping them take the time to define where they want to go and then thinking through the steps to get there is an important safeguard against mistakes. The mistakes made during this stage of life are costly and not just financially. What is the value of time lost and the emotional and spiritual pain incurred through a lack of thinking ahead and wise planning? When dealing with our sons, we donâ€™t struggle with this direction issue in the same way we do with our daughters. If you had a son who wanted to be a carpenter, not one of us would insist that he go to law school before allowing him to work with wood. If your son had the talent and desire to be a classical concert pianist, you would not encourage him to spend his days in hard labor and with machinery where he would develop calluses and risk the loss of fingers which would jeopardize all his future plans. And yet, how many young ladies with a desire for godliness and a future as a wife and mother spend their days doing things that are just as foolish? We struggle because the characteristics of success in our daughterâ€™s chosen field are more difficult to define, but it is possible to make a plan for getting from A to B. Given the indisputable truth of the law of sowing and reaping, we cannot afford to be slow to articulate and work out a plan

To begin with, we must make a list of the characteristics and skills required to succeed in the chosen field: feminine godliness. The obvious starting point for this list is Proverbs 31, but I Timothy chapter five is one of our favorites. When reading the list of activities that women should have engaged in during their lifetime in order to come under the care of the church when widowed, we find a clear directive to all women that these are the things they should be busy about at every stage of their lives. Following is a short and not nearly exhaustive list of character traits, skills, and activities that the Godly woman should be pursuing.

1) A helper, equipped and suitable
2) Submissive
3) Loves her husband and children
4) Discreet
5) Chaste
6) Show good judgment
7) Keeper at home
8) Well reported for good works
9) Washes the feet of the saints
10) Servant attitude
11) Hospitable
12) Lodges strangers
13) Works willingly with her hands
14) Good manager of money
15) Extends her hands to the poor and needy
16) Industrious not lazy

Since these are the characteristics of our chosen profession, feminine godliness, we have just clarified our point B, the place we are trying to get to. Now what is the road from where we are to where we want to be? In My Fatherâ€™s House says, â€œif the girl is mother to the woman â€“ that is to say, if the woman will be what the girl now is, this time, which is essentially one for settling habits, cannot be anything less than the most important in life.â€? Our road must consist of practicing each of these character traits in our daily life as a way of laying a solid foundation for our future.

As a way of keeping ourselves on track, we developed a list of questions to ask before beginning or accepting any activity. Our list is as follows:

1) Do my parents approve of this activity?
2) Does this promote my familyâ€™s mission?
3) Will this unnecessarily put me in situations where it will be difficult to maintain the standards of my family?
4) Can I participate in this activity without neglecting any of my family responsibilities?
5) Will this activity develop any desires that will cause me to be discontent at home?
6) Will I be taking on any male roles by participating in this activity? (The womanâ€™s role is that of helping, serving, and submitting. The Biblical male role is to provide, protect, and lead.)
7) Is this training me to depend on outside sources for affirmation?
8) Will this activity put the focus on me or put the focus on others?
9) Will this activity make my schedule inflexible so I cannot change my plans if a need arises?
10) Does this activity promote maturity or immaturity?
11) Will this activity develop traits in me that a future husband would thank me for bringing into marriage?

Can you get from point A to point B? Certainly, but stay on the right road. Donâ€™t follow the worldâ€™s pattern of living if you donâ€™t want to end up with a â€œself-centeredâ€? life. Think before making decisions. Live today what you want to be tomorrow.

— Posted by Tammy

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on June 24, 2005 | Comments (0)

What We Owe to Fathers

In honor of Father's Day, we have posted an essay from the book— Home Beautiful, published in 1897. We hope you take the time to consider how much you owe the head of your home.

"The old meaning of the word husband, signifying the bond that unites the family, perhaps even the foundation on which the home rests, appeals to us with a new pathos when we observe how little some husbands and fathers are considered by those who depend upon them for support.

Personally, if you set aside the pride a man has in the old family name, and the love he feels for and receives from wife and children, he gets very little of material advantage for himself out of the constant activity of his life. Many a clerk toils patiently a whole week during long hours, drudging over columns of figures, handling heavy bales of goods, helping by faithful industry to build up a great business, in the profits of which he never expects to share, does all this year after year without complaint, and unselfishly devotes almost his entire earnings to the comfort and luxury of others. His wife has all the help he can compass in the management of the home, his children at school compare very favorable in dress and appearance with those of his employer, his boys and girls take music lessons, play lawn tennis, engage in diversions for which he has no time. Frequently they understand very little of the monotony which prints crowâ€™s feet around the fatherâ€™s eyes and makes him early middle-aged

Certainly a man is in duty bound to look well to the ways of his family, and the American husband is the last person on earth to crave pity for doing his duty. Indeed, the good man of the house asks no compassion of the critical observer, is often not aware that he is in any sense an object of sympathy. Yet we not uncommonly find that he is very much left out of the calculations of the family when plans for pleasure are in order. Tom, the bright sixteen year old lad, would be surprised if his father should volunteer to accompany him to the football game, always providing that the older man could obtain the necessary half holiday to do so. Emily girds at the restraints imposed by her fatherâ€™s old-fashioned notions of propriety, and thinks her own slight knowledge of the world sufficient for self protection. It is quite possible that the good man of the house is a trifle unwelcome of an evening in the parlor that his money furnished, and finds himself left to the seclusion of the dining room and a rest on the shabby lounge, where he used to dandle the babies before they had grown too big to romp with him. There are American fathers, richer and poorer, who suffer from absolute loneliness as the years creep on, who seem to their families in reality very little beyond bread-winners and purse-holders.
The good man of the house, we submit, has a right to be treated with loving consideration by wife and children. Though occasionally he may repeat in their hearing a twice-told tale, or expect them to laugh at a jest which is somewhat worn, it is small credit to young people to be patient and polite, even deferential, to their father. The loving wife, as a rule, is patient with the husband, tolerating his foibles and humoring his moods, knowing full well that in the years of their wedded lives he has always done the same with hers. But youth is impatient, and papaâ€™s partiality for an old hat or a faded umbrella, or a coat that has seen service, or an antiquated piece of furniture, is sometimes vexatious in its irreverent eyes. Let the good man have his fads and pursue his hobbies, not only without protest but with all the aid young feet and hands can render.

Another commonplace right of the husband and father is to be properly fed and starched and mended under his own roof. If he have a preference for corned beef and cabbage, or other homely fare, over what he is pleased to denominate French frippery in cooking, by al means let him be gratified. Let his linen be immaculate; not frayed at the edges nor minus its buttons. A man is usually a marvel of helplessness where needles and thread are concerned. He may be pardoned a little irritation if the one button on the back of the neck is missing from his shirt, or if his stockings present yawning rests. Wife or daughters should have looked to this.

The thing to be continually sought after is that paterfamilias shall have a good time at home, a time of freedom from care and of dignified ease. Love, especially from younger to older people, should not be chary of demonstration. The young, strong shoulders should lift the loads which have grown heavy to those who have long borne burdens. It goes without saying that the father who, from the beginning, has been wise in his dealings with his household will, as a matter of course, receive the attentions which are his due. Mark we say â€œwiseâ€?. Far too often the generosity of a father fosters selfishness in his children.

Earthly fatherhood, imperfect though it be, gives to our poor mortality the truest conception of the divine Father, who gathers us ever, when most we need it, into the sheltering circle of the everlasting arms. We cannot be too tenderly thoughtful for the good man of the house."

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on June 15, 2005 | Comments (0)

Keep Strong, Comrades

We just returned from the New York state home schooling conference this afternoon. As usual, I was struck by the enormity of the crowds and the sheer volume of homeschoolers there are in this and in every state. Weâ€™ve been attending this conference since 1991, almost its conception, and over the years the urgent issues and general make-up of the crowd has changed tremendously. Unlike other years, this year was marked by a high number of people coming up and beginning conversations with â€œYou donâ€™t know me, butâ€¦â€? and telling my family and I how they have been influenced by either our talk at last yearâ€™s convention or by reading our book, In My Fatherâ€™s House, or by both. To me, this is a sign that the issues are again changing.

My parents started homeschooling the year it became legal in Minnesota. When we were growing up, the number of us was significantly smaller and the resistance to this movement was strong. Some of our contemporaries faced imprisonment for keeping their children home, others dealt with intense criticism from family members, and all of us stood up unashamed but quaking to a mocking world. Unashamed, because we knew what we were doing was right, but quaking because the outcome was not guaranteed. We followed the call of Christ because we heard it.

The problem that has arisen now, Iâ€™m afraid, is that we didnâ€™t ALL hear it, or at least not accurately.

I am so grateful that my parents enabled my brother and sisters and I to hear the call of God for ourselves. We were not told that homeschooling was an educational option we choose. We were not told it was a way to keep us from learning about evolution. We were not told that it was a way to make us nice or polite. We were told that it was a command of God. While I understand that there is no verse in Scripture that says â€œthou shalt homeschool,â€? it was a command of God for us. Obedience left no choices other than following, and so follow we did, because to do otherwise meant abandoning our duty of standing for truth in the world.

Now the issues are different ones. Homeschooling is, and most likely will remain, legal everywhere. There are enough non-Christian homeschoolers to dub this as something other than a religious movement. The question now is this: does this lifestyle of education translate into a lifestyle of changing the world? Judging by the number of my peers at the convention, it doesnâ€™t. We obediently followed the pattern our parents chose, but given the opportunity to jump ship, way too many did. Independence? Yes, I want it. College? Yes, I would love the chance to get away from home. Career? Yes, I need one to make me look successful. Colleges recruit homeschoolers and we are happy. Yes, we did it, we cry, we proved to the world that we are normal. Trends show that homeschoolers do well in the work place. Hurrah. We made it. We can finally be done looking different, because we have proved ourselves fit for society.

I think not.

The problem is that we didnâ€™t understand what we were doing in the first place. The goal of our lives was not to get into college or get a good job or have kids so they can have kids so they can have kids. The call we received was that of following Christ, of living a life of self-sacrifice, of loving others as we have been loved, of being Christ to the world. To do this required homeschooling, because we realized the importance of the family in Godâ€™s plan for the world. Families are the basic units of society and to so dismantle one as to have its most vulnerable members in the hands of the government for hours a day was not profitable. So now what? Weâ€™re done? We graduate from high school and leave? We start supporting the vision of a university or a company instead of the God-given vision of our family that we were born to carry out? We think we have fulfilled the call because we have finished high school. But we havenâ€™t.

The problem in this time of life is that we are once again in uncharted territory. No one sane stays home after high school. No one sane is unemployed. No one sane is left without a satisfactory answer to â€œAnd what are you doing now that you have graduated?â€? Or so we tell ourselves. Criticism? Forget it, Iâ€™m leaving. Pressure? Iâ€™ll give in. The problem is that we have forgotten how to fight. Homeschooling became too easy and too popular, so we forgot how to lay our lives down for truth simply because it is right.

Glory is a concept difficult to define, but I believe necessary to survival in the present age. It is something martyrs, soldiers, pioneers, and apostles all understand. Glory requires a cause bigger than oneâ€™s self. It requires a truth so overpowering that we lay down our lives to see it spread. Itâ€™s what makes patriots.

Being an unmarried women living at home takes courage. It means you will get pestered â€“ if not by other people, by your own mind. It means you have unanswered questions. It means you have a fuzzy plan for the future. It means you deal with criticism. It means you have times when thereâ€™s nothing to do. It means there are times when you are so busy you canâ€™t think. It means most of your friends live states away. It means you are misunderstood. It means you are living for something bigger than yourself. You are living for glory â€“ for the supreme pleasure of knowing that your cause is the right cause, no matter the cost to uphold it.

When Jesus called His apostles, He merely said â€œfollow Me.â€? They did not know where they were going. And neither do we, really. All we know is that weâ€™ve been told to live this way. Hanging on to the vision of our fathers, which, if godly, is the vision to demonstrate the love of Christ in the world. It requires us. It requires us not leaving. It requires us not living for ourselves or our pleasure or our prestige.

Our rewards may be only eternal. We may not get married. We may not have children. We may never have the pleasure of having lives that look normal. We may never have satisfactory answers to give to people. But we must follow. We must be obedient. We must stick around.

God keeps bringing into my familyâ€™s path other girls who are living the same life we are and these fellow comrades have strengthened me, much as I think soldiers must gain strength from looking at each other in the heat of battle. Some of these girls have easier lives than mine, others have harder ones. Some have sacrificed less than I have, others much more. But just knowing they are there, living lives of quiet service, spreading flowers along the paths of others, laying down their dreams and hopes at the altar of Godâ€™s truth, gives me strength. To all of you who are tempted to abandon the life you have been living, please donâ€™t. Please donâ€™t sell your inheritance for a mess of pottage. Donâ€™t lay down your sword and join the mocking throng. The straight and narrow path is, true to its name, straight and narrow, but it is blessed. There are rewards. Our side IS the right one, no matter what it looks like or how few are fighting on it. We must persevere if we want to receive the crown of life. It will be worth it. To those who are walking this road, thank you. Thank you for your willingness to spend and be spent for the sake of Christ. Thank you for living for future generations and not yourselves. Thank you for hauling those covered wagons and walking miles with bloody, bruised feet. When time is swallowed up by eternity, I am confident that this is what will have mattered â€“ that we knew Him and the fellowship of His sufferings and so we will then know the power of His resurrection.

— Posted by Naomi

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on June 4, 2005 | Comments (1)

Blessed Are Those...

We have to get rid of our notions of "Happy are the rich," "Happy are the married," "Happy are those who get what they want," "Happy are those whose lives are going as they planned them to," "Happy are the healthy," - all of this is worldly and not according to Scripture.

*************************

I've started on Matthew 5 in my Matthew Henry commentary this week. Although I did accidentally spill tea on the sermon on the mount last Sunday, it has recovered well enough to be read.

When I was teaching the girl's Bible class at the church I attended while at college, I did some serious research (in the research section of the library, no less) on the phrase "poor in spirit." This portion of Scripture, especially the Beatitudes, has intrigued me since and I'm glad for the chance to sort some of it out in detail at present.

I thought what Matthew Henry had to say about happiness and blessedness was very interesting. He was pointing out that those described in the Beatitudes are not only promised future blessings, but said to be happy in the present. "Blessed are..." etc. And this description is twofold, according to MH: "to show who they are that are to be accounted truly happy, and what their characteristics are and what that is wherein true happiness consists, in the promises made to persons of certain characters, the performance of which will make them happy." So he's saying Jesus tells us about these people so we know who in the world is happy and also to tell us that if we do these things, we will also be happy. Of course, we are always saying happiness is not something we live for or search for. We don't find it; it finds us. But here Christ is saying that if we do these things, it will find us. I think that's very interesting. MH points out that men are often pursuing happiness, or blessedness, or at least they pretend to pursue it. However, they "mistake the end," forming a wrong idea of what happiness is, and therefore "no wonder that they miss the way; they choose their own delusions, and court a shadow." He says "the beginning of a Christian's practice must be to take his measures of happiness from those maxims, and to direct his pursuits accordingly." Therefore, I think we are supposed to actually seek out the lives described in these verses and in doing so, will find ourselves blessed. We have to get rid of our notions of "Happy are the rich," "Happy are the married," "Happy are those who get what they want," "Happy are those whose lives are going as they planned them to," "Happy are the healthy," - all of this is worldly and not according to Scripture. Some of these people may be happy, but it is because of how they are embodying the true Christian life as illustrated here, and not because of the situations we assume are bringing them blessedness.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on June 3, 2005 | Comments (0)

Essay by J. Hudson Taylor

A couple of days ago, I found an essay by J. Hudson Taylor online. It is fabulous. I am not posting the whole thing, but my favorite paragraph from it.

"'No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly.' Ah! how often, when we have been dissatisfied with the ways of GOD, we ought to have been dissatisfied with our own ways: We did not think, perhaps, that in some matter or other we were not walking uprightly. If not so, however, then the thing we desired was not for our good, and therefore was not given; or the thing we feared was essential to our good, and hence was not withheld. We are often mistaken: GOD, never. 'No good thing will He withhold': shall we be so foolish, so wayward, as after this to desire that which our FATHER in heaven withholds?"

mdash; Posted by Alice

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on May 25, 2005 | Comments (0)

Unfulfilled Dreams

I have been thinking about something today. I've been thinking about what it means to respond to life as a Christian. I think that we oftem make the mistake of thinking that our witness comes out only through the rules we follow and the standards we live by. I seem to find myself in a lot of situations where I end up spending time with people who aren't Christians, yet many of them have standards and rules...lines they won't cross, so to speak. I know many Christians who draw the lines in different places than other Christians. I don't think it can be rules and standards that are the main thing. So, I've been wondering what is it about me that points to who Christ really is?

I've determined that it all comes down to one thing and one thing only: Whose will am I seeking? Whose dreams am I trying to fulfill? Whose glory am I setting out to gain? In essence, what do I point to in the way I react, the way I behave, and the way in which I interact with non-Christians and Christians alike? It's not just about the bumper stickers on the car or the church that I go to. It's the will that I'm seeking. What do I do when all my plans and dreams fail, when people get sick and die that I think should live, and when I pray and only seem to hear silence? Over a year ago, I heard a pastor give a message about the Christian's response to frustrated dreams. I will never forget it as long as I live. In fact, I still have the notes from it, and I look at them whenever I start to get too focused on what I want and on how what I want isn't happening. There is one passage of Scripture that comforts me continually. It's in Habakkuk 3:17-19. It always reminds me of what my true mission is. It's not to do anything but rejoice in the God of my salvation and live for His will alone. His will is love for others and obedience to Him.

"Though the fig tree may not blossom,
Nor fruit be on the vines;
Though the labor of the olive may fail;
And the fields yield no food;
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls-

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my strength;
He will make my feet like deer's feet,
And He will make me walk on my high hills."

— Posted by Hannah

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on May 25, 2005 | Comments (0)

Make for the Higher

I was searching through files today and came across this, which is an introduction we had worked on for In My Father's House, but never used. I don't remember why we decided to discard it. I'm posting it with the hope that it may help somebody:

It has been three and a half years now since our oldest daughter came home from college. It was one of those decisions that keep you awake at night. She never had any intentions of gaining a career; college was merely a way of continuing her studies as she waited for marriage and a home of her own. The decision was based not on a sudden realization that she should be preparing for marriage, but upon the nagging suspicion that what the college campus was doing to her was making her unfit for marriage.

The pressure to conform was immense, but the real confusion came from her being pushed to conform, not to worldliness, but to their form of â€œgodlinessâ€?. After all, it was a Christian campus and the other students were Christians. One phone call that still makes me chuckle when I think of it started with, â€œHey, Mom. If you tattoo â€˜prayer warriorâ€™ on your ankle, does that make you one?â€? Over time, our cheerful, vivacious daughter grew more and more weary.
The second year of college dawned a little brighter. She had formed a few close acquaintances that were a great comfort to her. She learned to live with others disapproval and take their comments in stride. At Christmas that year, at her fatherâ€™s request, she was able to walk away from college life, not having been defeated by it, but as one able to say that â€œwhat you have, I do not want.â€?

HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN

The transition to Naomiâ€™s being home and the realization that our other graduating daughter would not be leaving was a bit tumultuous. It was not difficult in the sense that they were rebellious, but more in the fact that we did not have a clear vision on which to build. Many questions remained inadequately answered. We are a family of vision. We have a thought out philosophy for pretty much everything we do. Donâ€™t ever ask a Valine why they are doing something unless you want a full and complete answer. One of our basic philosophies is that you cannot home school because you are running away from something, but that you must be running toward something. In this situation, we chose to leave the modern version of higher learning behind, that was clear, but what remained too cloudy was what were we running toward? To say that the girls were staying home, waiting for time to pass until they got married proved very inadequate. First of all, daily existence gets a bit dreary when you have pinned all your hopes for happiness on tomorrow. To live rightly you must have goals for today, not just a â€œsomedayâ€?. Secondly, the idea of waiting to be married seemed to perpetuate a storybook frame of mind that somehow a man will come along who will love and value you and then you will live happily ever after. For many years we said, â€œWe are training our girls to be wives and mothersâ€?. As true as that statement is, and as much as that is our desire for them, when you have intelligent, discerning adult daughters, that explanation for their existence falls short. When the question comes up, â€œWhat if they donâ€™t marry?â€? you are forced to quickly brush past it. You can tell them they should expect to get married, they should pray for a husband, and they should have hope that they will be married. But, as the home school population ages, we know beautiful eligible young women who are quickly passing through their twenties without matrimony. There is also no denying that the number of committed, qualified young men falls short of the number of eligible girls. Our daughters and we their parents had to have answers to these questions. We needed real answers, not just quick pacifying statements about how it will work out alright.
Surprisingly enough, the first concrete answer came to us in the form of another twenty year old oft quoted family-held philosophy. We are not raising children; we are raising Godly adults. We had no desire to have our daughters remain children. Our goal all along has been that they become Godly women. Suddenly, the light bulb went on. Our definition of Godly womanhood had been too narrow. We had inadvertently confined womanhood to the roles of wife and mother. Womanhood is much more than that, much broader, grander, and higher. If our past definition was accurate, then no unmarried woman and no widow could ever hope to live a life of true womanhood. Can that be true? As the question was put to my husband and I at a business dinner, as he was giving our usual speech on raising our daughters to be wives and mothersâ€¦â€?then if they donâ€™t marry, you are a failure?â€? No! Nothing could be farther from the truthâ€¦and yet, that is precisely what we had been saying! We want our daughters to be content cooking and cleaning in our houses hoping that someday they can be relieved from their monotonous uninspiring existence and get on with â€œtrue womanhoodâ€?. Is it any wonder that some of our girls have declared that they have had enough of being â€œmotherâ€™s little helperâ€? and have walked away from their childhood homes. What other conclusion can we expect our post high school girls to come to when we give them no foundation for a purposeful existence today and no guarantee that tomorrow will be any different? The first major change in our house was a change of definition.
Godâ€™s highest calling for a woman is a call to godliness. What a profound difference a subtle shift makes! A woman void of godliness is not fit to be wife or mother, but a godly woman in whatever circumstance she finds herself, is a true woman indeed. Suddenly, our daughters had a vision for womanhood that could be lived today!

â€œIt should be the highest ambition of every young woman to possess a true womanhood. Earth presents no higher object of attainment. To be a woman, in the truest and highest sense of the word, is to be the best thing beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than to live eighteen or twenty years; something more than to grow to the physical stature of women; something more than to wear flounces, exhibit dry-goods, sport jewelry, catch the gaze of men; something more than to be a belle, a wife, a mother. Put all these qualifications together and they do but little toward making a true woman.â€?

Every bit of energy expended toward the formation of character and skills will be of benefit if wifery and motherhood are in the girlsâ€™ future, but are of immediate, earthly, and eternal value no matter what position life holds for them. Our vision was beginning to take shape.

HE WHO HEEDS COUNSEL IS WISE

Another giant step forward came when we found â€œBetween School and Marriageâ€? in an antique book store. This author from more than a hundred years ago seemed to be speaking right to us. We got excited as we realized that the women of the past were no different from us, and that in the late 1800s there was a dialogue taking place on the subjects of what girls should be doing after their formal education is completed and what is the definition of true womanhood. We searched out and purchased as many old books from the period that we could find. It was quite entertaining to discover that the girls and women of that time period were tempted by the same things that face us today â€“ the lack of contentedness in the home, too much time â€œshoppingâ€?, a love of clothes and attention, laziness, selfishness, and complacency. The references to specific items of clothing and servants were outdated, but the wisdom itself was timeless. The counsel from the authors applied perfectly to our situation. We had much to learn.
I could tell you all that we have gleaned from the reprinted essays in this book, but you can read them yourself. What I would like to share with you is a verse from Proverbs that I feel sums up perfectly what we have walked away from, and what we are walking toward. â€œThe wicked covet the catch of evil men, but the root of the righteous yields fruit.â€? (Proverbs 12:15) Many people spend their whole lives coveting and trying to â€œcatchâ€? what they need and want. They try to obtain success, security, happiness, love, and admiration from their surroundings. They are built up by their friends, their achievements, promotions, grades, even Christian work. The righteous, the Biblically righteous, instead of pulling to themselves what they need, are pouring out of themselves what those around them need. There are times when it is hard to live so counter to the culture around us. The last of Naomiâ€™s friends from college is now married; vacation is coming when their other home school friends now at college will be over with their tales of classes, parties, and days full of activity. Even those living at home have jobs, paychecks, and busy social lives. We have all been encouraged by an admonition from one essay, â€œMake for the higher.â€? Our quiet lives in this house may look like deprivation from a distance; it is anything but. The girls study without grades, work without pay, serve without recognition, live lives of quiet worship where nobody is watching. Their roots are going deep. I believe our daughtersâ€™ willingness to walk in and strive for true womanhood will result in the production of spiritual fruit that will feed those around them for the rest of their lives. Make for the higher, girls. God knows. He is watching.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on May 18, 2005 | Comments (0)

This is True Religion (James 1:27)

"Joyce had known very few old people in her short life, except her Grandmother Ware; and this old grandmother was one of those dear, sunny old souls, whom everybody loves to claim, whether they are in the family or not. Some of Joyceâ€™s happiest days had been spent in her grandmotherâ€™s country home, and the host of happy memories that she had stored up during those visits served to sweeten all her after life."

"Old age, to Joyce, was associated with the most beautiful things that she had ever known: the warmest hospitality, the tenderest love, the cheeriest home-life. Strangers were in the old place now, and Grandmother Ware was no longer living, but, for her sake, Joyce held sacred every wrinkled face set round with snow-white hair, just as she looked tenderly on all old-fashioned flowers, because she had seen them first in her grandmotherâ€™s garden."

(This beautiful passage is from a delightful book our family just finished reading today, #2 in The Little Colonel Series, titled The Giant Scissors and written by Annie Fellows Johnston.)

Those of us who are blessed to have loving grandparents treasure these words. The sights and sounds of a grandmaâ€™s house are something that stays with us our whole lives â€“ roast beef cooking on the stove, Grandma mixing gravy, someone banging on the organ, Grandpaâ€™s rocking chair creaking, birds in the feeder outside - but above all, many pleasant conversations, reminiscences, and always lots of hearty laughter. Having already lost one dear grandpa this past year, I am realizing that these memories will soon be only memories and Iâ€™ll probably live most of my adult life without any grandparents at all. What a gift they have given in allowing us to partake of the safety and love of their home.

Last week I had the pleasure of getting to know one of the shut-ins from our church. She has had a difficult life, having lost all of her family, including her husband, who has already been dead for many years. She is left with few people to talk to and no way to leave her apartment. She and I enjoyed a nice lunch out together and lively conversation, as she told me about her past, her family, and her life now.

Some people might think this is a boring way to spend time or that older people are not our responsibility, but remember how Joyce held sacred every wrinkled face because of the love her grandmother showed her. Every person dying in a nursing home, lonely and sad with no young faces to cheer them, was somebodyâ€™s baby, probably somebodyâ€™s young bride or husband, and most likely somebodyâ€™s mother or father. We are told in the Bible that part of true religion is found in remembering the widow and, of course, the widower as well. Itâ€™s our responsibility and also our supreme pleasure to bring love and joy into these seasoned hearts. How dreary to be trapped in a building all the time and never seen anyone from the outside, let alone someone young trying to bring you happiness.

Part of being Christâ€™s body here on earth is helping to take care of those that society tends to overlook. As my sisters and I have had the chance to befriend and visit with many older people during the past years, weâ€™ve found that the rewards far outweigh the work. Older people are often full of wisdom and stories that enrich our lives as well. Being Christâ€™s hands and feet brings many rich rewards, not the least of which is the knowledge that what we have done unto the least of these, we have done unto Him. After all, if this was our mother or grandmother, wouldnâ€™t we want them to have the best of care and love?

A poem by Mary Dow Brine that I learned when I was about 6 expresses this same thought and perhaps may encourage you to give some extra attention to the older people in your life this week. If you donâ€™t have any older people in your life, perhaps this will encourage you to find some!

The woman was old and ragged and gray
And bent with the chill of the Winter's day.
The street was wet with a recent snow,
And the woman's feet were aged and slow.

She stood at the crossing and waited long
Alone, uncared for, amid the throng
Of human beings who passed her by,
Nor heeded the glance of her anxious eyes.

Down the street, with laughter and shout,
Glad in the freedom of "school let out,"
Came the boys like a flock of sheep,
Hailing the snow piled white and deep.

Past the woman so old and gray
Hastened the children on their way,
Nor offered a helping hand to her,
So meek, so timid, afraid to stir
Lest the carriage wheels or the horses' feet
Should crowd her down in the slippery street.

At last came one of the merry troop,
The gayest laddie of all the group;
He paused beside her and whispered low,
"I'll help you cross, if you wish to go."

Her aged hand on his strong young arm
She placed, and so, without hurt or harm,
He guided the trembling feet along,
Proud that his own were firm and strong.

Then back again to his friends he went,
His young heart happy and well content.
"She's somebody's mother, boys, you know,
For all she's aged and poor and slow;

"And I hope some fellow will lend a hand
To help my mother, you understand,
"If ever she's poor and old and gray,
When her own dear boy is far away."

And "somebody's mother" bowed low her head
In her home that night, and the prayer she said
Was "God be kind to the noble boy
Who is somebody's son, and pride and joy!"

— Posted by Naomi

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on May 16, 2005 | Comments (0)

Love At Home

The thing which more than all others goes to make home a bright, and beautiful, and blessed place, is love. It is pleasant to fill the rooms with good furniture, to have tasteful ornaments and rare luxuries, to cover the walls with fine paintings, and fill the place with every thing that may attract. It is delightful to have fine gardens, and plenty of music, to have fountains throwing up silvery spray, and trees waving gracefully in the wind. It is better even than these to have fair young forms flitting in and out, and turning the rooms into fairy palaces. But all these, and many more, though they be crowded together in one place of abode, cannot make happy homes without love.

Love is the beautifier; love is the wonderful angel that can get music out of the common sounds of earth; love can make even a plain face comely; love can soften hard hearts, and change ill-tempers; love can brighten a cottage home, and make our common household duties most lofty occupations. Love is better than houses or lands, silver or gold, honor or fame. Those homes are poor, and cold, and desolate that have not love, though they be the habitations of princes. Those homes are rich, and bright, and happy, that have love, though they have little besides, and are only the small places where the poor man sleeps, and where even the children learn early what privations are.
People do not know how much they lose when they do not have love in their hearts. Nothing but love can make us willing to bear with one another, to receive in gentleness harsh words, to forgive and forget all injuries. Nothing but love can teach us the courtesies of life, can make us â€œin honor prefer one another,â€? can help us to be unselfish, to feel that the happiness of others is dearer than our own. Nothing but love can make our earthly homes anything like heaven and like Him. But we are to love, not only the others. There are plenty who can see that they ought to be kindly and lovingly treated, but who are careless of giving to others what they wish for themselves. Not â€œHow much can I be loved?â€? but â€œHow much can I love?â€? should be the question with all who are trying to live well the home-life.

From — Home Life. This book has no copyright date, but was given as a Christmas gift in 1873.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on May 6, 2005 | Comments (0)

Reward of Service

I just got back from a four day trip to a mining convention with my husband. While there, I went out to lunch with two older women, the wives of geologists. One is a widow and the otherâ€™s husband is retired. They were at the convention helping the womanâ€™s auxiliary pass out seedlings to local students who had been brought in for educational programs. As we sat down to lunch, they began by expressing their frustration that the auxiliary was dying out because of a lack of younger women coming in. I mentioned that it was probably due to the fact that the average young wife is building her own career, not trying to think of ways to support her husband in his. Their first response was to gasp and exclaim how right I was. Very shortly, however, they brought up home schooling, since that was one of the only things they knew about me. I spent the next hour and a half defending our position that girls should prepare themselves to be a support and an asset to their husbands rather than striving for careers of their own.

They were very concerned about our girls having a sense of fulfillment, which in their minds could only be gotten outside the home. Alas, once again and from the mouths of two mothers who stayed home to raise their own children, we see that our culture places no value on living sacrificially, motivated by love and duty rather than by money and self-fulfillment. Naomi found the following poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. It wonderfully expresses my sentiments, and I want to post it in tribute to my wonderful adult daughters who have chosen to remain in our home. While we were gone, they carried on with their usual lives, which I think we are so accustomed to that we take it for granted. I give no orders about what should be done in our home. Each one simply sees what needs to be done and does it. Menus were made and grocery shopping done, the refrigerator was cleaned out, chatty calls were made to Grandma, there were visits to neighbors, shut-ins at the nursing home, and hospice patients, one tried a new cinnamon-raisin bread recipe, another made progress on a knitted afghan for a friend who has cancer, the house was spotless with a meal prepared when we returnedâ€¦.the list goes on. I know that most people think our girls are wasting their lives, but I am confident that though â€œthe world may sound no trumpets, ring no bells, the Book of Life the slurring record tells.â€?

"Reward of Service" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The sweetest lives are those to duty wed,
Whose deeds both great and small
Are close-knit strands of an unbroken thread,
Where love ennobles all.
The world may sound no trumpets, ring no bells,
The Book of Life the slurring record tells.

Thy love shall chant its own beatitudes,
After its own like working. A child's kiss
Set on thy singing lips shall make thee glad;
A poor man served by thee shall make thee rich;
A sick man helped by thee shall make thee strong;
Thou shalt be served thyself by every sense
Of service which thou renderest.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on April 27, 2005 | Comments (0)

In The Desert of Waiting

We've started reading The Little Colonel series by Annie Fellows Johnston (1863-1931) and came across this beautiful story from a chapter in the book titled The Little Colonel in Arizona (published in July of 1904). Despite its length, this is a great read-aloud for the whole family and is sure to spark good discussion afterwards. If you wish to read more stories like this, they can all be found at Little Colonel Books On-Line.

In the Desert of Waiting
By Annie Fellows Johnston

Lloyd sat with her elbows on the white kitchen table, watching Joyce at her Saturday afternoon baking. Five busy days had passed since her coming, and she felt almost as much at home in the Wigwam as any of the Wares. Phil had been there every day. Mrs. Lee had invited her to the ranch to tea, where she had met all the interesting boarders she had heard so much about. Jack, Holland, and Norman devoted themselves to her entertainment, and Mary followed her so adoringly, and copied so admiringly every gesture and intonation, that Holland called her "Miss Copy-cat" whenever he spoke to her out of his mother's hearing.

Lloyd could not fail to see how they all looked up to her, and it was exceedingly pleasant to be petted and deferred to by everybody, and on all occasions. The novelty of the place had not yet worn off, and she enjoyed watching Joyce at her housekeeping duties, and helped whenever she would allow it.

"How white and squashy that dough looks," she said, as Joyce turned it deftly out on the moulding. board and began kneeding it. "I'd like to put my fingahs in it the way you do, and pat it into shape, and pinch in the cawnahs. I wish you'd let me try to make a loaf next week. Will you, Joyce?"

"You may now, if you want to," said Joyce. Lloyd started to her tent to wash her hands, but Jack's shout out in the road stopped her as she reached the door. He was galloping toward the house as fast as Washington could carry him, and she waited to hear what he had to say.

"Get your rifle, quick. Lloyd!" he called, waving his hat excitedly. "Chris says that the river is full of ducks. We can get over there and have a shot at them before supper-time if we hurry. I'll catch your pony and saddle him while you get ready."

"How perfectly splendid!" cried Lloyd, her eyes shining with pleasure. "I'll be ready in almost no time." Then, as he galloped on toward the pasture, she turned to Joyce. "Oh, I wish you could go, too!"

"So do I," was the answer; "but it's out of the question. We've only the one horse, you know, and I haven't any gun, and I can't leave the baking, so there's three good reasons. But I'm glad you have the chance, Lloyd. Run along and get ready. Don't you bother about me."

By the time Jack came back leading Lloyd's pony, she was ready and waiting at the kitchen door, in her white sweater and brown corduroy riding-skirt. Her soft, light hair was gathered up under a little hunting-cap, and she carried her rifle in its holster, ready to be fastened to her saddle.

"Oh, I wish you were going, too, Joyce!" she exclaimed again, as she stood up in the stirrups and smoothed the folds of the divided skirt. Settling herself firmly in the saddle and gathering up the reins with one hand, she blew her an airy kiss with the other, and started off at the brisk pace Jack set for her on Washington.

Joyce called a laughing good-bye after them, but, as she stood shading her eyes with her hand to watch them ride away, all the brightness seemed to die out of the mid-afternoon sunshine.

"How much I should have enjoyed it!" she thought. "I could ride as well as Jack if I had his pony, and shoot as well as Lloyd if I had her rifle, and would enjoy the trip to the river as much as either of them if I could only leave the work. But I'm like that old Camelback Mountain over there. I'll never get away. It will be this way all the rest of my life."

Through the blur of tears that dimmed her sight a moment, the old mountain looked more hopeless than ever. She turned and went into the house to escape the sight of it. Presently, when the loaves were in the oven, and she had nothing to do but watch the baking, she brought her portfolio out to the kitchen and began looking through it for a sketch she had promised to show to Lloyd. It was the first time she had opened the portfolio since she had left Plainsville, and the sight of its contents made her fingers tingle. While she glanced over the sketches she had taken such pleasure in making, both in water-colours and pen and ink, her mother came into the kitchen.

"Joyce," she said, briskly, "don't you suppose we could afford some cookies while the oven is hot? I haven't baked anything for so long that I believe it would do me good to stir around in the kitchen awhile. I'll make some gingersnaps, and cut them out in fancy shapes, with a boy and girl apiece for the children, as I always used to make. Are there any raisins for the eyes and mouths?"

It seemed so much like old times that Joyce sprang up to give her mother a squeeze. "That will be lovely!" she cried, heartily. "Here's an apron, and I'll beat the eggs and help you."

"No, I want to do it all myself," Mrs. Ware protested. "And I want you to take your sketching outfit, and go down to the clump of willows where Jack put the rustic bench for me. There are lovely reflections in the irrigating canal now, and the shadows are so soft that you ought to get a very pretty picture. You haven't drawn any since we left home, and I'm afraid your hand will forget its cunning if you never practise."

"What's the use," was on the tip of Joyce's tongue, but she could not dim the smile on her mother's face by her own hopeless mood, and presently she took her box of water-colours and started off to the seat under the willows. Mary and Norman, like two muddy little beavers, were using their Saturday afternoon playtime in building a dam across the lateral that watered the side yard. Joyce stood watching them a moment.

"What's the use of your doing that?" she asked, impatiently. "It can't stay there. You'll have to tear it down when you stop playing, and then there'll be all your work for nothing"

"We don't care, do we, Norman?" answered Mary, cheerfully. "It's fun while we're doing it, isn't it, Norman?"

As Joyce walked on, Mary's lively chatter followed her, and she could hear her mother singing as she moved about the kitchen. She was glad that they were all happy, but somehow it irritated her to feel that she was the only discontented one. It made her lonely. She opened her box and spread out her material, but she was in no mood for painting. She couldn't get the right shade of green in the willows, and the reflections in the water were blotchy.

"It's no use to try," she said, finally. "Mamma was right. My hand has already lost its cunning."

Leaning back on the rustic seat, she began idly tracing profiles on the paper, scarcely conscious of what she was doing. People's faces at first, then the outline of Camelback Mountain. Abstractedly, time after time, she traced it with slow sweeps of her brush until more than a score of kneeling camels looked back at her from the sheet of paper.

Presently a cough just behind her aroused her from her fit of abstraction, and, turning hastily, she saw Mr. Ellestad, the old Norwegian, coming toward her along the little path from the house. He had been almost a daily visitor at the Wigwam since they moved into it, not always touring in, usually stopping for only a moment's chat under the pepper-trees, as he strolled by. But several times he had spent an entire morning with them, reading aloud, while Joyce ironed and her mother sewed, and Norman built block houses on the floor beside them. Once he had taken tea with them. He rarely came without bringing a book or a new magazine, or something of interest. And even when he was empty-handed, his unfailing cheerfulness made his visits a benefaction. Mary and Norman called him "Uncle Jan," such a feeling of kinship had grown up between them.

"Mary said you were here," he began, in his quaint, hesitating fashion, "so I came to find you. I have finished my legend at last, --- the legend I have made about Camelback Mountain. You know I have always insisted that there should be one, and as tradition has failed to hand one down to us, the task of manufacturing one has haunted me for three winters. Always, it seems, the old mountain has something to say to me whenever I look at it, something I failed to understand. But at last I have interpreted its message to mankind."

With a hearty greeting, Joyce moved over to make room for him upon the bench, and, as he sat down, he saw the sheet of paper on her lap covered with the repeated outlines of the old mountain.

"Ah! It has been speaking to you also!" he exclaimed. "What did it say?"

"Just one word," answered Joyce, ---"'Hopeless!' Everything out here is hopeless. It's useless to try to do anything or be anything. If fate has brought you here, kneel down and give up. No use to struggle, no use to hope. You'll never get away."

He started forward eagerly. "At first, yes, that is what I thought it said to me. But now I know it was only the echo of my own bitter mood I heard. But it is a mistake; that is not its message. Listen! I want to read it to you."

He took a note-book from his pocket. "Of course, it is crude yet. This is only the first draft. I shall polish it and study every word, and fit the sentences into place until the thought is crystallized as a real legend should be, to be handed down to future generations. Then people will not suspect that it is a home-made thing, spun from the fancy of one Jan Ellestad, a simple old Norwegian, who had no other legacy to leave the world he loved. This is it:

Desert of Waiting

"'Once upon a time, a caravan set out across the desert, laden with merchandise for a far-distant market. Some of the camels bore in their packs wine-skins that held the richest vintage of the Orient. Some bore tapestries, and some carried dyestuffs and the silken fruits of the loom. On Shapur's camel was a heavy load of salt.

"'The hope of each merchant was to reach the City of his Desire before the Golden Gate should close. There were other gates by which they might enter, but this one, opening once a year to admit the visiting rajahs from the sister cities, afforded a rare opportunity to those fortunate enough to arrive at the same time. It was the privilege of any who might fall in with the royal retinue to follow in its train to the ruling rajah's palace, and gain access to its courtyard. And wares displayed there for sale often brought fabulous sums, a hundredfold greater sometimes than when offered in the open market.

"'Only to a privileged few would the Golden Gate ever swing open at any other time. It would turn on its hinges for any one sent at a king's behest, or any one bearing something so rare and precious that only princes could purchase. No common vender could hope to pass its shining portal save in the rear of the train that yearly followed the rajahs.

"'So they urged their beasts with all diligence. Foremost in the caravan, and most zealous of all, was Shapur. In his heart burned the desire to be first to enter the Golden Gate, and the first one at the palace with his wares. But, halfway across the desert, as they paused at an oasis to rest, a dire lameness fell upon his camel, and it sank upon the sand. In vain he urged it to continue its journey. The poor beast could not rise under its great load.

"'Sack by sack he lessened its burden, throwing it off grudgingly and with sighs, for he was minded to lose as little as possible of his prospective fortune. But even rid of its entire load, the camel could not rise, and Shapur was forced to let his companions go on without him.

"'For long days and nights he watched beside his camel, bringing it water from the fountain and feeding it with the herbage of the oasis, and at last was rewarded by seeing it struggle to its feet and take a few limping steps. In his distress of mind at being left behind by the caravan, he had not noticed where he had thrown the load. A tiny rill, trickling down from the fountain, had run through the sacks and dissolved the salt, and when he went to gather up his load, only a paltry portion was left, a single sackful.

" ' "Now, Allah has indeed forgotten me!" he cried, and cursing the day that he was born, he rent his mantle, and beat upon his breast. Even if his camel were able to set out across the desert, it would be useless to seek a market now that he had no merchandise. So he sat on the ground, his head bowed in his hands. Water there was for him to drink, and the fruit of the date-palm, and the cooling shade of many trees, but he counted them as naught. A fever of unrest consumed him. A baffled ambition bowed his head in the dust.

"'When he looked at his poor camel kneeling in the sand, he cried out: "Ah, woe is me! Of all created things, I am most miserable! Of all dooms mine is the most unjust! Why should I, with life beating strong in my veins, and ambition like a burning simoom in my breast, be left here helpless on the sands, where I can achieve nothing, and can make no progress toward the City of my Desire?"

"'One day, as he sat thus under the palms, a bee buzzed about him. He brushed it away, but it returned so persistently that he looked up with languid interest. "Where there are bees, there must be honey," he said. "If there be any sweetness in this desert, better that I should go in its quest than sit here bewailing my fate."

"'Leaving the camel browsing by the fountain, he followed the bee. For many miles he pursued it, till far in the distance he beheld the palm-trees of another oasis. He quickened his steps, for an odour rare as the perfumes of Paradise floated out to meet him. The bee had led him to the Rose Garden of Omar.

"'Now Omar was an alchemist, a sage with the miraculous power of transmuting the most common things of earth into something precious. The fame of his skill had travelled to far countries. So many pilgrims sought him to beg his wizard touch that the question, "Where is the house of Omar?" was heard daily at the gates of the city. But for a generation that question had remained unanswered. No man knew the place of the house of Omar, since he had taken upon himself the life of a hermit. Somewhere, they knew, in the solitude of the desert, he was practising the mysteries of his art, and probing deeper into its secrets, but no one could point to the path leading thither. Only the bees knew, and, following the bee, Shapur found himself in the old alchemist's presence.

"'Now Shapur was a youth of gracious mien, and pleasing withal. With straightforward speech, he told his story, and Omar, who could read the minds of men as readily as unrolled parchments, was touched by his tale. He bade him come in and be his guest until sundown.

"'So Shapur sat at his board and shared his bread, and rose refreshed by his wine and his wise words. And at parting, the old man said, with a keen glance into his eyes: "Thou thinkest that because I am Omar, with the power to transmute all common things to precious ones, how easily I could take the remnant of salt that is still left to thee in thy sack and change it into gold. Then couldst thou go joyfully on to the City of thy Desire, as soon as thy camel is able to carry thee, far richer for thy delay."

"'Shapur's heart gave a bound of hope, for that is truly what he had been thinking. But at the next words it sank.

" ' "Nay, Shapur, each man must be his own alchemist. Believe me, for thee the desert holds a greater opportunity than kings' houses could offer. Give me but thy patient service in this time of waiting, and I will share such secrets with thee that, when thou dost finally win to the Golden Gate, it shall be with wares that shall gain for thee a royal entrance."

"'Then Shapur went back to his camel, and, in the cool of the evening, urged it to its feet, and led it slowly across the sands. And because it could bear no burden, he lifted the remaining sack of salt to his own back, and carried it on his shoulders all the way. When the moon shone white and full in the zenith over the Rose Garden of Omar, he knocked at the gate, calling: "Here am I, Omar, at thy bidding, and here is the remnant of my salt. All that I have left I bring to thee, and stand ready now to yield my patient service."

"'Then Omar bade him lead his camel to the fountain, and leave him to browse on the herbage around it. Pointing to a row of great stone jars, he said: "There is thy work. Every morning before sunrise, they must be filled with rose-petals, plucked from the myriad roses of the garden, and the petals covered with water from the fountain."

" ' "A task for poets," thought Shapur, as he began. "What more delightful than to stand in the moonlighted garden and pluck the velvet leaves." But after awhile the thorns tore his hands, and the rustle and hiss underfoot betrayed the presence of serpents, and sleep weighed heavily upon his eye lids. It grew monotonous, standing hour after hour, stripping the rose-leaves from the calyxes until thousands and thousands and thousands had been dropped into the great jars. The very sweetness of the task began to cloy upon him.

"'When the stars had faded and the east begun to brighten, old Omar came out. "'Tis well;" he said. "Now break thy fast, and then to slumber with thee, to prepare for another sleepless night"

"'So long months went by, till it seemed to Shapur that the garden must surely become exhausted. But for every rose he plucked, two bloomed in its stead, and night after night he filled the jars.

"'Still he was learning no secrets, and he asked himself questions sometimes. Was he not wasting his life? Would it not have been better to have waited by the other fountain until some caravan passed by that would carry him out of the solitude to the dwellings of men? What opportunity was the desert offering him greater than kings' houses could give?

"'And ever the thorns tore him more sorely, and the lonely silence of the nights weighed upon him. Many a time he would have left his task had not the shadowy form of his camel, kneeling outside by the fountain, seemed to whisper to him through the starlight: "Patience, Shapur, patience!"

"'Once, far in the distance, he saw the black outline of a distant caravan passing along the horizon where day was beginning to break. He did no more work until it had passed from sight. Gazing after it with a fierce longing to follow, he pictured the scenes it was moving toward, --- the gilded minarets of the mosques, the deep-toned ringing of bells, the cries of the populace, and all the life and stir of the market-place. When the shadowy procession had passed, the great silence of the desert smote him like a pain.

"'Again looking out, he saw his faithful camel, and again it seemed to whisper: "Patience, Shapur, patience! So thou, too, shalt fare forth to the City of thy Desire."

"'One day in the waning of summer, Omar called him into a room in which he had never been before. "Now at last," said he, "hast thou proven. thyself worthy to be the sharer of my secrets. Come! I will show thee! Thus are the roses distilled, and thus is gathered up the precious oil floating on the tops of the vessels.

" ' "Seest thou this tiny, vial? It weighs but the weight of one rupee, but it took the sweetness of two hundred thousand roses to make the attar it contains, and so costly is it that only princes may purchase. It is worth more than thy entire load of salt that was washed away at the fountain."

"'Shapur worked diligently at the new task till there came a day when Omar said to him: "Well done, Shapur! Behold the gift of the desert, its reward for thy patient service in its solitude!"

"'He placed in Shapur' s hands a crystal vase, sealed with a seal and filled with the precious attar.

" ' "Wherever thou goest this sweetness will open for thee a way and win for thee a welcome. Thou camest into the desert a vender of salt. Thou shalt go forth an apostle of my alchemy. Wherever thou seest a heart bowed down in some Desert of Waiting, thou shalt whisper to it: 'Patience! Here, if thou wilt, in these arid sands, thou mayst find thy Garden of Omar, and from these daily tasks that prick thee sorest distil some precious attar to sweeten all life!' So, like the bee that led thee to my teaching, shalt thou lead others to hope."

"'Then Shapur went forth with the crystal vase, and his camel, healed in the long time of waiting, bore him swiftly across the sands to the City of his Desire. The Golden Gate, that would not have opened to the vender of salt, swung wide for the Apostle of Omar.

"'Princes brought their pearls to exchange for his attar, and everywhere he went its sweetness opened for him a way and won for him a welcome. Wherever he saw a heart bowed down in some Desert of Waiting, he whispered Omar's words and tarried to teach Omar's alchemy, that from the commonest experiences of life may be distilled its greatest blessings.

"'At his death, in order that men might not forget, he willed that his tomb should be made at a place where all caravans passed. There, at the crossing of the highways, he caused to be cut in stone that emblem of patience, the camel, kneeling on the sand. And it bore this inscription, which no one could fail to see, as he toiled past toward the City of his Desire:

"'Patience! Here, if thou wilt, on these arid sands, thou mayst find thy Garden of Omar, and even from the daily tasks which prick thee sorest mayst distil some precious attar to bless thee and thy fellow man."

"'A thousand moons waxed and waned above it, then a thousand, thousand more, and there arose a generation with restless hearts, who set their faces ever westward, following the sun toward a greater City of Desire. Strange seas they crossed, new coasts they came upon. Some were satisfied with the fair valleys that tempted them to tarry, and built them homes where the fruitful hills whispered stay. But always the sons of Shapur pushed ahead, to pitch their tents a day's march nearer the City of their Desire, nearer the Golden Gate, which opened every sunset to let the royal Rajah of the Day pass through. Like a mirage that vision lured them on, showing them a dream gate of opportunity, always just ahead, yet ever out of reach.

"'As in the days of Shapur, so it was in the days of his sons. There were those who fell by the way, and, losing all that made life dear, cried out as the caravan passed on without them that Allah had forgotten them; and they cursed the day that they were born, and laid hopeless heads in the dust.

"'But Allah, the merciful, who from the beginning knew what Desert of Waiting must lie between every son of Shapur and the City of his Desire, had long before stretched out His hand over one of the mountains of His continent. With earthquake shock it sank before Him. With countless hammer-strokes of hail and rain-drops, and with gleaming rills he chiselled it, till, as the centuries rolled by, it took the semblance of that symbol of patience, a camel, kneeling there at the passing of the ways. And to every heart bowed down and hopeless, it whispers daily its message of cheer:

" ' "Patience! Thou carnest into the desert a vender of salt, thou mayst go forth an Alchemist, distilling from Life's tasks and sorrows such precious attar in thy soul that its sweetness shall win for thee a welcome wherever thou goest, and a royal entrance into the City of thy Desire!" ' "'

There was a long silence when Mr. Ellestad closed his note-book. Joyce had turned her face away to watch the mountain while he read, so he could not see whether the little tale pleased her or not. But suddenly a tear splashed down on the paper in her lap, and she drew her hand hastily across her eyes.

"You see, it seems as if you'd written that just for me," she said, trying to laugh. "I think it's beautiful! If ever there was a heart bowed down in a desert of waiting, I was that one when I came out here this afternoon. But you have given a new meaning to the mountain, Mr. Ellestad. How did you ever happen to think of it all?"

"A line from Sadi, one of the Persian poets, started me," he answered. "'Thy alchemist, Contentment be.' It grew out of that --- that and my own unrest and despondency."

"Look!" she cried, excitedly. "Do you see that? A bee! A bee buzzing around my head, as it did Shapur's, and I can't drive him away!"

She flapped at it with her handkerchief. " Oh, there it goes now. I wonder where it would lead us if we could follow it?"

"Probably to some neighbour's almond orchard," answered Mr. Ellestad.

"Oh, dear!" sighed Joyce. "I wish that there was a bee that I could follow, and a real rose garden that I could find. It sounds so beautiful and easy to say, 'Out of life's tasks and sorrows distil a precious attar in thy soul,' and I'd like to, heaven knows, but, when it comes to the point, how is one actually to go about it? If it were something that I could do with my hands, I'd attempt it gladly, no matter how hard; but doing the things in an allegory is like trying to take hold of the girl in the mirror. You can see her plainly enough, but you can't touch her. I used to feel that way about 'Pilgrims Progress,' and think that if I only had a real pack on my back, as Christian had, and could start off on a real road, that I could be sure of what I was doing and the progress I was making. I wish you'd tell me how to begin really living up to your legend."

She spoke lightly, but there was a wistful glance in the laughing eyes she turned toward him.

"You will first have to tell me what is the City of your Desire."

"Oh, to be an artist! It has always been that. To paint beautiful pictures that will live long after I am gone, and will make people better and happier. Then the work itself would be such a joy to me. Ever since I have been old enough to realize that I will have to do something to earn my own living. I've hoped that I could do it in that way. I have had lessons from the best teachers we could get in Plainsville, and Cousin Kate took me to the finest art galleries in Europe, and promised to send me to the Art League in New York if I finished my high school course creditably.

"But we had to come out here, and that ended everything. I can't help saying, like Shapur, 'Why should I, with life beating strong in my veins, and ambition like a burning simoom in my breast, be left here helpless on the sands, where I can achieve nothing and make no progress toward the City of my Desire?' It seems especially hard to have all this precious time wasted, when I had counted so much on the money I expected to earn, --- enough to keep mamma comfortable when she grows old, and to give the other children all sorts of advantages."

"And you do not believe that these 'arid sands' hold anything for you? " said Mr. Ellestad.

Joyce shook her head.

"It takes something more than a trained hand and a disciplined eye to make an artist," he answered, slowly. "Did you ever think that it is the soul that has to be educated? That the greater the man behind the brush, the greater the picture will be? Moses had his Midian before he was worthy to be 'Lawgiver' to his people. Israel had forty years of wilderness-wandering before it was fit for its Promised Land. David was trained for kingship, not in courts, but on the hillsides with his flocks.

"This is the secret of Omar's alchemy, to gather something from every person we meet, from every experience life brings us, as Omar gathered something from the heart of every rose, and out of the wide knowledge thus gained, of human weaknesses and human needs, to distil in our own hearts the precious oil of sympathy. That is the attar that will win for us a welcome wherever we go, --- sympathy. The quick insight and deep understanding that help us to interpret people. And nobody fills his crystal vase with it until he has been pricked by the world's disappointments and bowed by its tasks. No masterpiece was ever painted without it. A man may become a fine copyist, but he can never make anything live on canvas until he has first lived deeply himself.

"Do not think your days wasted, little friend. Where could you learn such lessons of patience and courage as here on this desert where so many come to die? Where could you grow stronger than in the faithful doing of your commonplace duties, here at home, where they all need you and lean upon you?

"You do not realize that, if you could go on now to the City of your Desire, the little you have to offer the world would put you in the rank of a common vender of salt, --- you could only follow in the train of others. Is not waiting worth while, if it shall give you wares with which to win a royal entrance?"

"Oh, yes," answered Joyce, in a quick half-whisper, as the musical voice paused. She was looking away toward the mountain with a rapt expression on her uplifted face, as of one who sees visions. All the discontent had vanished now. It was glowing with hope and purpose.

As Mr. Ellestad rose to go, she turned impulsively to thrust both outstretched hands into his. "I can never thank you enough!" she exclaimed. "Old Camelback will be a constant inspiration to me after this instead of an emblem of hopelessness. Please come in and read the legend to mamma! And may I copy it sometime? Always now I shall think of you as Omar. I shall call you that in my thoughts."

"Thank you, little friend," he said, softly, as they walked on toward the house. "I have failed to accomplish many things in life that I had hoped to do, but the thought that one discouraged soul has called me its Omar makes me feel that I have not lived wholly in vain."

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on April 25, 2005 | Comments (0)

Read the First Ever Lily Press Chat Log

Why canâ€™t we just â€œbe young, have fun, and drink Pepsiâ€?? Naomi and Tammy Valine, along with Emma Watson, discuss the need for developing life skills for today and for the future. Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Please leave a comment. We did not even touch many aspects of the subject. We learned a few things in the course of this first chat, and we hope to do more. If you are interested in being part of a future chat, contact us at info@lilypress.com.

Naomi Joy says:
Good evening, Emma

Emma says:
Hello, Naomi!

Naomi Joy says:
We are here tonight to chat about "Building Skills," along with Mrs. Valine, my dear mother, who will offer her comments.

Naomi Joy says:
Shall we begin by discussing why building skills is important and then move on to discuss various areas of skill building and how to go about building those skills?

Emma says:
Sure...

Naomi Joy says:
So, why should we build skills? Why not be young, have fun, and drink Pepsi?

Naomi Joy says:
(Psstt...you're supposed to answer)

Emma says:
(Working on it, hold on...)

Emma says:
I think that is part of everyone's lives as Christians...

Emma says:
Wanna get a little more specific?

Mrs. Valine says:
I'm amazed at how many people do not have excellence as their goal.

Emma says:
How do you mean?

Mrs. Valine says:
Today you have you to make a birthday cake. Why don't you want to make the best birthday cake you possibly can? When you eat a great cake at someone else's house, why don't you get the recipe? Why don't you take a cake decorating class? I just don't understand people who are satisfied with mediocrity.

Emma says:
So...you are talking about something beyond just "doing the best we can"?

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, I think we should always strive to be better than we are.

Naomi Joy says:
People sometimes use "this is the best I can do" as a cop-out for not getting any better.

Emma says:
True, but I believe there is a place where you have peace because you have done your best, and you know you can rest in that.

Emma says:
But I know what you're saying.

Naomi Joy says:
Right, I agree.

Naomi Joy says:
But

Naomi Joy says:
That's good as long as our goal is to do things well

Naomi Joy says:
And we are truly doing our best

Emma says:
My dad often brings up the concept of "good" and "better"

Naomi Joy says:
Because we are supposed to do everything to the glory of God, right? And work at it with all our hearts? That would mean not being satisfied with half-baked work if we know we can do better. At least, that's what I tell my piano students.

Emma says:
(Yes, I agree with you.)

Mrs. Valine says:
There is a big philosophical difference between "my best" and "good enough".

Mrs. Valine says:
I know the two of you....you are both in the habit of doing your best.

Mrs. Valine says:
And back to the cake thing

Emma says:
Great, I love cake.

Mrs. Valine says:
This may not be the season for growing in your cake skills...but it should always be the season for growing in something.

Emma says:
I think it always comes back to: Imitate Christ.

Naomi Joy says:
Okay, so we should work to build skills that are of use both now and in the future because that glorifies God and enables us to serve Him better and in more ways.

Emma says:
Yes...and an added bonus is the part about "enjoying Him forever" and the happiness that is found there

Mrs. Valine says:
I think it would be easy to pass this subject quickly, but I think a lot of girls have not thought about this.

Emma says:
Amen to that one...at least speaking for myself.

Mrs. Valine says:
It goes back to home-schooling, which is where many of our readers have come from.

Mrs. Valine says:
Was home-schooling something you did between eight and three or was all of life a learning experience?

Mrs. Valine says:
Did you expect to be done after graduation, or did you plan to continue learning as long as you live?

Emma says:
Mom and Dad like to tell people that I'm still home-schooled.

Naomi Joy says:
I think some people think that all they need to know is how to do dishes and take care of children, but there is so much more involved in being a godly woman - skill wise and otherwise

Emma says:
Technically I graduated from twelfth grade three years ago. But I am still learning.

Naomi Joy says:
Right - me too.

Naomi Joy says:
Which brings us to our next point - what exactly do we need to know?

Emma says:
Well, the dishes and the child care is a good part of it. I would definitely say that's helpful!

Emma says:
But it's not the most necessary.

Naomi Joy says:
Right

Emma says:
We need to know how to give up our lives daily.

Naomi Joy says:
I think there are multiple things we are building skills for. #1 - a possible future home

Naomi Joy says:
#2 - the possibility of raising children (either our own or others)

Naomi Joy says:
#3 - service in the church and community now

Naomi Joy says:
#4 - service in our own homes

Naomi Joy says:
Did I miss anything?

Emma says:
Ha.

Naomi Joy says:
We can't say we are only building skills for the future, because most (if not all) of them are useful now and whether we are married or not

Emma says:
Honestly I rarely think of pursuing skills especially for my "someday" home...

Mrs. Valine says:
The skills you really need to work on are the ones that are needed now

Emma says:
Right...

Mrs. Valine says:
Someone is sick....what should you do?

Mrs. Valine says:
Our garden needs tending...what can we learn to make those flowers grow more luscious than they did last year?

Emma says:
Everything that I can think of needing to know in preparation for that home is also something I need to be learning for use in my home and situation now...

Mrs. Valine says:
It all requires reading, study, and hands on work and not a bit of it is wasted....everything you learn will be valuable next year and every year after that...and possibly while you are visiting a sick acquaintance you can go out and make a little progress in her yard as well.

Naomi Joy says:
Okay, to summarize so far, we need to build our skills to be useful now and not just later.

Emma says:
I even think we sometimes tend to put too much emphasis on later...

Emma says:
and forget the now.

Naomi Joy says:
Right, I agree

Naomi Joy says:
So what are some skills you and I have worked on recently?

Emma says:
Scrubbies.

Naomi Joy says:
Are you making scrubbies?

Emma says:
Mostly you. Hahahaha.

Naomi Joy says:
That would go on the list of "Projects Naomi is trying to convince
Emma to do"

Emma says:
Hey, I got you the directions. Okaaaay...tatting, then.

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, I have been making dish scrubbies out of tulle. We'll probably put those directions and a picture of some on the Lily Press site.

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, tatting.

Naomi Joy says:
That's on the list of "Projects Emma is trying to get Naomi to do"

Naomi Joy says:
The difference being, Naomi is actually DOING THEM.

Naomi Joy says:
ha ha

Emma says:
Hay. Be gentle.

Naomi Joy says:
We won't go into the "Books Naomi is trying to get Emma to Read" or "Books Emma is trying to get Naomi to Read"

Emma says:
Work on that attitude, sister!

Emma says:
Yeah, we could be here all night.

Naomi Joy says:
And we'll totally avoid the list of "Books Mrs. Valine is trying to get Naomi and Emma not to Read Together Over the Phone"

Naomi Joy says:
Okay, anyway, tatting

Emma says:
Yes.

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, I tried desperately to shuttle tat months ago to no avail.

Naomi Joy says:
So you taught me how to needle tat instead and so far I am on my third bookmark.

Emma says:
We even tried together in the Suburban.

Naomi Joy says:
Okay, there's the basic sewing skills

Naomi Joy says:
We need to know how to mend clothing, sew children's clothing (I need to try taking apart some adult clothes and making children's out of them), etc.

Emma says:
Weeeeelll....

Emma says:
can I make you mad for a sec?

Naomi Joy says:
Well, that depends

Emma says:
I think it would be nice to know that

Emma says:
and helpful to know that

Emma says:
but...

Emma says:
I don't think we need to know it...

Emma says:
know what I mean?

Naomi Joy says:
Yes

Naomi Joy says:
My mom was just saying something about that. Does every girl need to know how to sew?

Emma says:
Um, I say no.

Emma says:
Are you mad yet?

Naomi Joy says:
No

Mrs. Valine says:
I say every girl doesn't need to sew, but every girl needs to do the basic sewing things that would be required in a home - sew on buttons, repair seams and holes (patching).

Emma says:
Well...I somewhat agree, but I still don't think even knowing how to do those jobs is mandatory.

Mrs. Valine says:
Martha had a tear in a $45 brand new corduroy shirt awhile back and one of our friends' grandmothers did an unbelievable job of darning that hole. It was beyond my skill, but we needed that skill.

Naomi Joy says:
That's part of being a good steward, I think - knowing basic things that will help you to take care of what you have

Emma says:
Yes, I think they are great things to learn.

Mrs. Valine says:
Nobody HAS to know anything. The question is - you have time; learn something.

Emma says:
I hope I can teach my daughters those things someday.

Naomi Joy says:
Me too

Naomi Joy says:
You do know how to sew on a button, don't you Emma?

Emma says:
lol Yes.

Naomi Joy says:
Good

Naomi Joy says:
Just making sure that was a hypothetical argument you were giving

Naomi Joy says:
I worked a lot year before last on sewing children's clothes.

Naomi Joy says:
I would like to get back to that.

Emma says:
Me too...I bought a pleater and tried to get into the whole smocking deal.

Emma says:
Very fun stuff.

Emma says:
Then I needed my time for other things.

Naomi Joy says:
Sometimes these days, sewing adult clothes or even bigger kids' clothes is not cheaper than buying them. Which isn't to say it might not be necessary anyway for modesty's sake. But for baby clothes and toddler's clothes it is often still cheaper to sew

Naomi Joy says:
I would love to be able to smock

Emma says:
I would love to have time to smock!

Emma says:
And I hope I'll be able to again someday soon...

Emma says:
And Naomi has a good point about the economy...

Emma says:
it's often just as expensive to sew something as it is to buy it.

Emma says:
Which doesn't rule it out, but adds more to the equation.

Mrs. Valine says:
I think you girls are being too practical. There are reasons to do things besides money.

Mrs. Valine says:
I enjoy an old video someone made of my kids when there were only three of them. Naomi is asked , "Where did you get your pretty dress?" She smiles, smirks, and says, "Mine mom made it". The interviewer says, "She must love you a lot". Naomi answers with a smile.

Naomi Joy says:
Aughh...yes, once I, too, used bad grammar. ha ha

Emma says:
How did I miss seeing that video?

Mrs. Valine says:
I have put away the pattern for a kitty cat that Hannah loved so I can make them for her children. I firmly believe that using those sewing skills was part raising my children in God's ways. They felt loved.

Mrs. Valine says:
special...

Mrs. Valine says:
Part of the family...worth taking time for

Mrs. Valine says:
That is much more reason for developing these skills than money.

Mrs. Valine says:
The same goes for your husbands...I had to laugh at Micah this week

Mrs. Valine says:
Martha had been cooking and cleaning all day for him and he just wanted her to sit down and rest.

Mrs. Valine says:
He made her an ice cream sundae and even put little chocolate swirls on the plate like she would have done.

Emma says:
lol

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, I was just going to say - this is the same reason why we need to take time to make beautiful and good-tasting food and present it in a way that looks nice.

Naomi Joy says:
The table should be set nicely, the place settings match, perhaps a candle or two

Emma says:
Just your friendly devil's advocate butting in here...

Emma says:
Yes, I think we should strive for all of those things

Naomi Joy says:
all to create an environment of well-being, peace, and happiness to make our children (and us) secure and joyful.

Emma says:
And also...for myself...strive for the character to be able to work toward those things...

Emma says:
and not flip out if my dinner plans don't come off perfectly.

Naomi Joy says:
Well, you're a perfectionist, Emma

Emma says:
I'm the type that would soon be taking out my "failure" on my husband and children.

Naomi Joy says:
We're talking goals here, not hard and fast rules.

Emma says:
And that would be tearing down my house with my hands...

Naomi Joy says:
Your children aren't going to not feel loved if your plates don't match the tablecloth.

Emma says:
K. Just checking. I said I was a friendly devil's advocate.

Naomi Joy says:
Ha ha

Emma says:
Nice double negative.

Emma says:
I didn't not like it.

Mrs. Valine says:
I don't think you are getting my point

Mrs. Valine says:
We serve our families....I sewed kitties, dresses, and whatever....Martha cleans and cooks for her brother...and it draws love out of them...and that love draws them to the Lord

Mrs. Valine says:
I don't think my children follow God because we had great devotions...

Mrs. Valine says:
If that's not the motivation, you can't come up with any viable justification for tatting, knitting, decorating...or even Chinese cooking....our goal is to spur our families on in their spiritual walks by our service to them

Mrs. Valine says:
I think they have lived a life of responding with love to those who love them and it naturally led them to respond with love to a God who loved them.

Emma says:
I think I probably agree with you on that...

Emma says:
"my life for yours"

Emma says:
Hey...

Emma says:
Isn't there a book you ladies read..

Emma says:
the Edith Schaeffer one?

Emma says:
Could you maybe summarize some of the biggest things that you learned from her book?

Naomi Joy says:
Yes, that's the same thing Edith Schaeffer talks about in The Hidden Art of Homemaking. I think we have a review of that on the Lily Press site already.

Emma says:
Ahhh, I should read it.

Naomi Joy says:
Well, this is probably 27 pages long now.

Naomi Joy says:
Perhaps we should end for now. Would you be up to doing a "part 2" some other time?

Naomi Joy says:
Maybe someone else wants to join us for the part 2

Emma says:
Either option would be swell

Naomi Joy says:
Okay

Naomi Joy says:
Well, thank you Emma

Emma says:
Nice talking with you ladies!

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on April 19, 2005 | Comments (2)

Thoughts on Contentment by Joyelle Parrish

..."For here there can be no disappointment: that which comes to us through the day has all been decreed by Him, and as it must therefore give us opportunities of fulfilling His will and gaining His approbation, we must necessarily be content." -- In My Father's House, from the chapter on contentment

Much from this portion of the book has encouraged and challenged my heart. Not only is the issue about living peaceably and wholeheartedly within the seemingly "lowly" realm of life, but oh, my! So many recurring themes amongst the precept of contentment struck me boldly. Joy, cheerfulness, a quiet heart, finding fulfillment in the mundane, devoting oneself to a life of servanthood and constant giving (sacrifice), discipline, peacefulness, conquering pride and pompous selfishness, humility in all aspects, ultimate duty, fervency in prayer, tranquility and graciousness, charity, friendship and patience-- not an exhaustive list by any means, but is rather a peek into the thrust of the chapter. A hundred precepts lie behind the principle and I came to realize that the author's thesis is quite obvious: If not all of these characteristics are maintained to the utmost capability and diligently upheld insofar as possible, one cannot possess true contentment. Striving to obtain righteous contentment is likely not so challenging as may seem, but if the will is weak, so much less the opportunity to be wholly joyful.

Contentment and peaceable living require much strength of character and an incredible diligence in spirit. As with joy, a contented, inner quiet results from the submission of will and circumstance to the perfect sovereignty of the Heavenly Father. And certainly, this does not stem from an intellectual capacity; Rather, it springs from within the very depths of our being and cannot be disregarded on a whim of petty happening. Nor is contentment easily lost once ingrained in the spirit. It is an acquired habit, such as prayer, thanksgiving or service. If one is prone to say, "I've lost the content of soul I possessed yesterday," it is not an overstatement to assert the lack thereof in the first place. All of this requires hard work, especially if one lives in a generally unpeaceable environment, inconducive to the development of quietness in spirit. The Lord is gracious and merciful to those who seek Him, and will grant the ability to strive toward this meekness, joy, peace and contentment. He has given the ability to learn to be content in every circumstance (Philippians 4:11, Hebrews 13:5).

Joy, contentment, peace and strength are each inextricably linked within the inner life of the Christian. I maintain that each one of these qualities are necessary to cultivating righteousness-- and certainly, a gentle, meek spirit within a woman. Peace would be the foremost characteristic, then contentment with the will and purpose of the Lord shall result from such. Joy follows a contented nature, and strength emanates out of a wholly joyful being.

Elisabeth Elliot Gren: "There is no end to spending, getting, having. We are insatiable consumers, dead set on competing, "upgrading," showing off. We simply cannot bear to miss something others deem important. So the world ruins the peace and simplicity God would give us. Contentment with what He has chosen for us goes along with Godliness. Instead of giving thanks, we wail-- and we teach our children to wail."

We are young women, unmarried, living within our father's household and are doing our utmost to cultivate a spirit of contentment and service within our homes and families. We must guard against the pervasive culture that is attempting to steal this joy. May God forbid that we would instill and produce within the next generation all of that worldliness and self-centered ideology which is running so rampantly amongst our Christian circles. It is our honor, our duty, our privilege to tear down the strongholds of this neo-postmodern society and rise to the call of Scripture. So be it in producing the fruit of contentment: for Christ, one another and our present and future families.

—This article was sent to us by reader Joyelle Parrish.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on April 12, 2005 | Comments (0)

Grow Up Girl!

"She was again the lively independent Miss Halifax, -â€˜Standing with reluctant feet where womanhood and childhood meet;â€™ and assuming at once the prerogatives and immunities of both.â€?

This quote from John Halifax, Gentleman, which includes within it a quote from the poem â€œMaidenhoodâ€? by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, is an accurate description of where many young ladies find themselves.

Looking at the calendar, they see themselves at age nineteen or twenty-three and declare that they are adults. Watching them from a distance, as they pine for homes and husbands of their own while neglecting to fulfill the mundane duties of service that lay before them, we have no choice but to conclude that they are yet children. More than that, like Miss Halifax in the story, they long for the privileges of adulthood while still claiming the exemptions of youth. Absorbed with thoughts of what they know, what they need, and when will they be moving on, they neglect to ask themselves, â€œWhy am I here?â€? and â€œWhat can I do?â€? I applaud every young lady who has decided to remain in her fatherâ€™s house, but I must tell you this. Your fatherâ€™s house was meant to shield you from a life of independence, not from responsibility, disappointment, or the difficult task of self-denial that brings one to maturity.

At this juncture between childhood and womanhood you may, like the maiden in Longfellowâ€™s poem, experience a reluctance to relinquish your hold on childhood. You may â€œpause with indecisionâ€?, as she did, seeing that â€œlife has quick-sands, life hath snaresâ€?. Until now, you have been a child in many ways, but it is time to â€œput away childish thingsâ€?. (I Cor. 13:11) We have all observed children in store checkout lines demanding, begging, pleading and crying to have that momentâ€™s desired object. Are you that child? No matter what you may have thought, the distinguishing features of womanhood are not husbands, homes, or children. Womanhood is not a physical place that you one day arrive at. It is a deeper place that you spend many years growing toward. Maturity, as defined by the dictionary, means to be fully developed or ripe, to move from latency (having potential that is not evident or active) to fulfillment (satisfaction, contentment, or success). Maturity is characterized by responsibility, reliability, wisdom and good sense? Ask yourselves, ladies, â€œIs that where I am heading?â€? No amount of passing time will make you an adult. Arrange your days and make deliberate choices that will move you in that direction.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on April 7, 2005 | Comments (0)

Character Development Isn't Easy!

The process of growth as one sees it in trees and plants is very interesting, but the same process as illustrated in oneâ€™s own experience is often painfully lacking in entertainment.

The process of growth as one sees it in trees and plants is very interesting, but the same process as illustrated in oneâ€™s own experience is often painfully lacking in entertainment. Many people note with unflagging zeal the signs of development of plant or animal life, but submit very unwillingly to the conditions of the same kind of development in themselves. Growth is one thing to a spectator and quite another thing to its subject. The first sees all the signs of movement, the second feels all the birth-pains into a larger life; for growth is a kind of continued birth, the passage out of smaller into greater things, and it carries with it a certain kind of pain. There are few things so difficult to bear as the waiting involved in the process of growth. To put forth effort of any kind is easy, but to patiently abide development within one is a great test of character. Struggle is often deified as something inherently noble, but struggle is of very little importance unless it results in growth. There are a great many barren struggles in the world
because no permanent moral results are achieved by them, as there is a
great deal of wasted energy because nothing permanent is accomplished by giving it out. Life would be easy if we could secure its end in a few months or a few years. What makes it difficult is the necessity laid upon us of remaining patient and acquiescent while the hand of the potter holds us under its steady pressure. There are many times when nothing but heroic fortitude keeps us cheerful, and these times of passivity, so far as definite action is concerned, are often the most fruitful and progressive periods in our lives; for growth, not action, is the real measure of life, and one often grows as much in enforced passivity as in the most intense activity. â€“Christian Union

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on March 11, 2005 | Comments (0)

On Bed-Making and Faithfulness (by Naomi)

Even now, as I am at home in my fatherâ€™s house, I believe that little things matter. Whether or not I make my bed in the morning reflects my worldview. . . It is quiet, Christian living that draws people - living that reflects who God is.

â€œLike all other believers, Charlotte Mason. . .and indeed C.S. Lewis thought . . . that everyday, ordinary life lived faithfully is where the glory of God is best reflected â€“ in our homes, communities, jobs, our art, charitable enterprises, and so on.â€? (Susan Schaeffer Macaulay, For the Familyâ€™s Sake)

I love the above quote and especially the line â€œeveryday, ordinary life lived faithfully.â€? This brings back thoughts of my posts from several weeks ago regarding the quiet life. My mom is always reminding me that no one who sets out to do great things does great things. We set out to be faithful in the sphere in which God has placed us and occasionally, in His sovereign will, He may make the little things we are doing great. My mom then reminds me that even that is not completely trueâ€¦itâ€™s not as if â€œif we are only faithful in little things, those little things may lead to great things.â€? I think the point is more that little things are the only truly great things. We think, â€œoh, if I am faithful in my house as a servant, perhaps God will reward me with a bigger sphere of influence.â€? I donâ€™t think thatâ€™s true. I think the little spheres are the only big spheres. Otherwise, we might be tempted to look at a missionary and assume they were once faithful in little things and therefore they are now entrusted with great things, which may be true but it also may not be. Then we look at a mother and father struggling to train their children and tell them, â€œContinue being faithful and God will later entrust you with bigger things.â€? Not true. Those little things, and I would say especially when those little things happen to be lives, are big things. I think being entrusted with half a dozen lives with the responsibility of molding and shaping them and being the tool God uses to form character and godliness in them is the absolute greatest task there could ever be.

Even now, as I am at home in my fatherâ€™s house, I believe that little things matter. Whether or not I make my bed in the morning reflects my worldview. (Donâ€™t look â€“ I got woken up suddenly today to hurry downstairs and move furniture for the painters.) Whether I speak kindly to someone or harshly shows my view of the value of people. Whether I put healthy or unhealthy food in my mouth demonstrates my understanding of our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. What we are called to be is faithful â€“ not loud and obnoxious. We are commanded to be witnesses â€“ reflections of the glory of God. This most often, I believe, does not involve preaching in the normal sense of the word. Rather, it is quiet, Christian living that draws people - living that reflects who God is. It is being known in the local library, the corner store, the deli, and the grocery as the family who always has a smile and a kind â€œthank youâ€?. It is being the house on the street whose front porch looks like a place you would want to sit. For us, it is being the family who doesnâ€™t mind when the mentally handicapped man down the street comes to chat outside and interrupt our work. Itâ€™s the one who knows when his birthday is and brings a card over. (Trust me- for him, that was LOVE!)

I think our leeriness of holding this philosophy stems from our indoctrination of the need to be a â€œwitness,â€? which is most often interpreted as outreach. We think that unless we are reaching out to our community, we are stalemating our influence. Perhaps in the postmodern Christian world, our idea of witnessing is drastically distorted. I donâ€™t think witnessing is primarily standing on a street corner.

Case in point â€“ we will have lived in our house here in Elma for 14 years next week. Next door to us is a dear widow lady whom we have grown to love. The depth and substance of her spiritual life is debatable; she goes to church and prays, but doesnâ€™t read her Bible. What does witnessing to her look likeâ€¦that is, real and genuine witnessing that would have a long-lasting eternal effect? I donâ€™t think itâ€™s preaching in the normal sense of the word. I believe it looks more like fixing her lawn mower, raking her leaves, bringing her fresh bread and a hot meal once or twice a week, spending a quiet evening visiting in her living room, running over at 4 a.m. when she is taken away in an ambulance, leaving our upstairs light on so she knows someone is home during the night, driving her to the doctor when sheâ€™s afraid to go alone, throwing her a birthday party when her family refuses to â€“ all the things we have done for the past 14 years. The Bible even says this is true religion. We are seeing fruit for all these years of labor too â€“ her countenance has visibly softened in the past 2 years or so, evidence of Godâ€™s work in her heart. Here is an example of effective, long-term witnessing and it didnâ€™t involve any preaching.

I believe that our primary responsibility, preaching the gospel and making disciples, is most effectively done by building Christian culture - that is, by living Christianly and preaching with our lives. Helping people to â€œmake a decision for Christâ€? is not necessarily making disciples. However, loving people â€“ the same people, for years, in the difficult ways â€“ is.

Little is much. Being faithful is our only job. I donâ€™t want a position of great influence. I want people to love, rooms to clean, neighbors to bring food to, songs to sing, dances to dance, lawns to mow, and carpets to vacuum. In doing these things well, completely, and therefore Christianly, I am obedient in the little things. Reflecting Christ in the world (witnessing), I believe, is best done, as Susan Schaeffer Macaulay says, in the â€œeveryday, ordinary life lived faithfully.â€? Go make your bed. Iâ€™m going to go make mine!

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on March 9, 2005 | Comments (0)

Bearing One Another's Burdens (by Hannah)

Your attentive presence is, in a small way, alleviating some of the pain. So often, we find ourselves wanting to do instead of just letting ourselves be. But that being is sometimes the most important thing of all.

I was really encouraged by something that was said last night at the 3rd volunteer training session I attended at Hospice. In case you donâ€™t know, Hospice is a place where people with terminal illnesses can go when nothing else can be done for them in the hospital. They specialize in providing palliative care (palliative=relief without a cure). At last nightâ€™s session, one of their chaplains spoke

as well as a woman who works at their Life Transitions Center (a place where people can work through their grief and find a way to move on). The state of mind that I was in when I arrived could probably be classified as a type of anxiety. I had just spent a fair amount of time at a nursing home visiting a woman that I had become friends with when I volunteered there. When I met her, she was bright, cheerful, and upbeat, but because of her diminishing health and mobility, she has become depressed and is no longer the vivacious woman that I knew. I went to see her because I had recently been to a library book sale where they were selling off about a dozen large print books by her favorite author. I brought the whole bagful up to her room unannounced, and consequently, I found myself sitting on her bed listening to the problems weighing down so heavily upon her. I donâ€™t know about you, but when I encounter a problem (whether mine or someone elseâ€™s), I like to find a solution to it. I was usually quite good in math when I was in school, and I learned a couple of things along the way. The way you do well in math is to find a solution to every problem. When the first answer that you come up with doesnâ€™t fit, you have to find another one. Unfortunately, in the case of my friend, neither one of these scientific ideas would work. I felt so helpless because I knew that there was absolutely nothing that I could really do to alleviate her pain. Sure, I could try to distract her from it, I could try to be the bright spot in her week, but there was really nothing I could do to lighten the load. So, with this state of agitation, I was sitting absolutely spellbound at my training meeting as I listened to one of the speakers talk about the unfixable problems that may come up as we deal with the patients. He said that there is really only one thing that we can do: help them hold the unsolvable problems. You canâ€™t take it away, but you can let them know that you are there, that you care, and that you are praying for them (maybe even with them). Your attentive presence is, in a small way, alleviating some of the pain. So often, we find ourselves wanting to do instead of just letting ourselves be. But that being is sometimes the most important thing of all. The attitude of being and sharing the burden is found time and again throughout Scripture. One example is Galatians 6:2 (NKJV) "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." The next time that weâ€™re faced with someoneâ€™s unsolvable issues, let's also remember the words of our Savior in Matthew 25:40 (NKJV), "Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me." Sharing the cares of those who are weighed down and doing it as unto Christ, can truly be the light that will shine in the midst of their darkness.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on February 21, 2005 | Comments (0)

Lessons on Contentment from the Israelites (by Naomi)

This morning I was reading about the Israelites after they arrived in the wilderness and discovered they didnâ€™t have any food. They began to complain, saying, â€œIf only we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt , when we sat by the fleshpots and ate our fill of bread; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.â€? (Exodus 16:3)

Reading this, my tendency is to berate them in my mind, thinking, â€œThe Lord just delivered you from the Egyptians and parted the Red Sea and you are doubting His ability to feed you?â€? Then I started thinking about how many times I may act the same way.

Matthew Henry, in his commentary on these verses, shares some interesting thoughts. â€œIt is no new thing for the greatest kindnesses to be misinterpreted and basely represented as the greatest injustices. . . But discontent magnifies what is past, and vilifies what is present, without regard to truth or reason. None talk more absurdly than murmurers. . . When we begin to fret and be uneasy, we ought to consider that God hears all our murmurings, though silent, and only the murmurings of the heart.â€?

Often in our lives, especially as girls hoping to be married, our temptation may be to glorify, not the past, but the future. We think that if we were only married, our troubles would be over. But not so! We must not fall into the temptation of â€œvilifying the presentâ€? and thinking our current lives are troublesome. We must not forget to thank the Lord for His past mercies and remember that He doe not change. He has truly delivered each of us from the Egypt of sin and death and is going to continue to demonstrate His loving kindness to us now and in the future. At the present moment we may think we are hungering for something we donâ€™t have, but that is only because we are not noticing the manna God is providing.

Letâ€™s receive with gratefulness all the blessings God has given to us now, instead of looking to the past or future for our happiness!

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on January 8, 2005 | Comments (0)

Insights from Charlotte's Web (by Naomi)

I just finished listening to the unabridged version of â€œCharlotteâ€™s Webâ€? on cassette tape, read by the author, E.B. White. This story is one of my favorites from childhood, but it has been many years since I have read it. I am now realizing how many noble themes are traced in its pages, not only of life, but of ideal womanhood.

In this story, Charlotte is an example of true femininity. She enters the story in order to cheer up a discouraged pig who is fated to die at the hands of bacon-eating humans. Her happy cry of â€œsalutationsâ€? and subsequent conversations, vocabulary-enhancement lessons, and all-around joyfulness infuse this runt of a pig with a new zest for life. Not only does she give Wilbur the desire to live, but it is her ingenuity that eventually saves his life. She diligently spins webs with words intertwined in the threads proclaiming Wilburâ€™s virtues â€“ humility, radiance, terrific-ness, and the slogan â€œsome pig.â€? This task keeps Charlotte up through many a long night, keeping her mind busy with noble thoughts as her body works for her beloved pig. Diligence pays off and Wilburâ€™s life is saved. While he is winning a special prize at the county fair, the spider is content in the pig stall, smiling to herself, for â€œWilburâ€™s victory was in a sense her victory as well.â€? The spotlight and loudspeakers and applause and ribbons are for him; she is pleased to know that she played a part in his fame. Immediately after this scene, we find Charlotte nurturing once again, only this time it is in the area of egg-laying. 514 eggs are placed in the sac, an act which wore the loving mother out completely. Wilbur returns to the barn with the sac in his mouth, protecting the babes of his beloved. Charlotte offers a last wave and then dies.

Every godly woman has a Wilbur in their lives â€“ someone she is called to encourage, to appreciate, to thank, to build up, to work for, to stay up late for, to use energy and cheerfulness and exuberance in order to support. We as women are not to care for our own promotion or fame. We are to be content to listen to the loudspeaker proclaiming the virtues of our husband or father or brother, happy just to know that we played a small part in bringing about their success. To all the Charlottes like me in this world, may we be strengthened in the realization that our efforts are not futile. May we take comfort knowing that there are eyes bigger than ours in this world that see the secret things that are one day to be revealed. May we, like E.B. Whiteâ€™s Charlotte , die giving life, as One did so very long ago in order to redeem us.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on November 17, 2004 | Comments (1)

Piety and Usefulness (by Tammy)

In chapter five of In My Father's House, the daughters of the puritan Philip Henry are described as women of piety and usefulness. I have been pondering that phrase today. Piety, according to the dictionary, means devoted to religious affairs and usefulness is defined as of aid, profitable, or beneficial. What a wonderful description of the womanhood we aspire to! How can we become pious and useful women?

I have seen examples of this kind of woman today. I am presently staying with my parents in Minnesota, helping my mother care for my father who is battling cancer. As soon as my parents finished their morning devotions and their prayer time, during which they pray for their six children and their spouses, their twenty-three grand-
children and their twelve great-grandchildren, my mother jumped up and began cooking. A woman from their church is nearing the end of her fight with cancer, and my mom whipped up a pot of soup, and apple cake and sub sandwiches which she managed to get over there before lunch. ~piety and usefulness.

When I called home to New York to talk to my girls, Hannah was busy giving a knitting lesson to one of our Mennonite friends. She is a farmers wife and can do everything domestic, but never learned to knit. Her husband has his heart set on having a home-knit hat made
by his wife. So, Hannah offered to teach her. ~piety and usefulness.

I got a phone call from one of my sisters who reported that she had called my girls for help with a recipe. Because they have applied themselves to gaining the knowledge and the skills involved in the preparation of food, she knew they could help her. ~piety and usefulness.

It seems to me, that to gain usefulness we need to apply ourselves to learning whatever we can whenever we can. I discovered an area just today where I need more knowledge in order to be useful of aid. First, someone brought over some venison (deer meat) for my father. They heard that he liked it, and shared some of their fresh ground meat, since it is deer hunting season here. My mom hasn't cooked venison for years and my Dad is anxious to eat it. I wish I knew how to cook it up so it would be tasty and pleasing to him. So, in my attempt to be useful and to be pious, I hope to serve my God by serving my father. I plan to call around to some of the ladies from the local church and ask them for their favorite venison recipes. Hopefully I can whip something up for dinner tomorrow night. Once I have gathered the recipes and done the cooking, I can make venison again if the need ever arises.

In our efforts to grow in piety, we must also recognize that we serve God not just when we attend services, read our Bibles and spend time in prayer. All of our service to others is service to our Maker. Page forty-six of In My Fathers House reads, "We are in the habit of giving a too narrow interpretation to divine service, as when we say, Divine Service will be performed at _____ church, at ____ o'clock. Is not divine service performed in every house in the parish where the housewife does her duty in the kitchen where she cooks or looks after cookery; in the nursery, where she nurses or directs how it should be done; in the room which she sweeps as for Gods laws? You have perhaps read the beautiful legend of Francesca. Tradition says that she was a noble lady of Rome, who, amid the splendors of court life and the pageantry of a lofty station, preserved the simplicity of that consecration which loves to sit at the feet of the Lord. Every day at certain periods she retired to her oratory, there to engage in exercises of devotion; but if called away, as she often was, she went cheerfully, saying that a wife and mother, when called upon must quit her God at the altar, and find Him in her household affairs". What is true for
wives is true for devoted daughters and sisters as well.

And thirdly, along with Francesca, once we have the skills and the desire to help others, we need to be available. This is one of the main reasons I am opposed to our daughters holding jobs outside of the home. Can we bring meals to the sick only on our days off? Can we fit in knitting lessons on Tuesdays and Thursdays after seven? When our widowed neighbor had an emergency and needed help last week,
would we want her to have gotten an answering machine when she called? Much of our service to others hinges on our being available when we are needed.

Apply yourself to learning, know that we serve God when we serve others, and be available to help. I pray that you all will strive to be worthy of the description given to the women of Philip Henry's home. ~women of piety and usefulness.

Posted in Thoughts to Ponder on November 9, 2004 | Comments (0)

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On Bed-Making and Faithfulness (by Naomi)

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Lessons on Contentment from the Israelites (by Naomi)

Insights from Charlotte's Web (by Naomi)

Piety and Usefulness (by Tammy)

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