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Happiness: Happenstance or Habit
Several times in her life, my grandma has had people come up and ask her how she has managed to handle all the tragedy in her life. My grandma looks at them dumbfounded and asks, “what tragedy?� “Well, they say, you had a mentally handicapped daughter, you had a brother die at a young age, you’ve lost almost all your other siblings and both your parents, one of your daughters had cancer, and now your husband died of cancer.� My grandma just laughs and tells them she’s never thought of any of those things as tragedies.
People like this amaze me, but they also inspire me, because I think they are right. There are no happy situations, only happy people. The dullest, most tragic happening can be made pleasant, or at least tolerable, by a cheerful person. In the same way, the most naturally enjoyable project can be made intolerable or even miserable by a grouchy person. For the most part, the way we view the world will dictate our feelings towards it. Although, considering how most of us live, we tend to instead think that the way the world treats us gives us a license to be happy or unhappy.
“I’m single and therefore have a right to whine,� we may be heard to say. “If only I were married, life would be better.� And then, should we get what we want, “If only my husband weren’t so hard to get along with, I would be a good wife.� After that, “If these kids would just behave themselves, parenting would be easier.� The house is too dusty, the pile of laundry too large, the sun is too hot, the wind is too cold, the family too ornery, ourselves too irritable, our glasses a little too gray-colored. No matter what stage of life we are in, no matter how wonderful our circumstances, no matter how generous and loving the people around us are, if we are crabby people, we are always going to be crabby people.
How to fix this? Chapter 22 of In My Father’s House says this: “Happiness is not an end – it is only a means, an adjunct, a consequence.� Jesus, in the sermon on the mount, tells us who in the world is actually happy – the merciful, the persecuted, the mournful, the poor in spirit, the peacemakers – not those who have lots of money, easy lives, and husbands. Pursuing happiness as a goal is utterly futile. It’s not something you can set out to acquire and be successful. Happiness is only a by-product, a consequence, of living a godly and righteous life. If we wish to be happy, the only way to do so is to seek to be holy, to be loving, to be a peacemaker, a giver, a servant of all. We may then find ourselves being more cheerful. IMFH continues, “Oh, if such women [the unhappy] did but know what comfort there is in a cheerful spirit! how the heart leaps up to meet a sunshiny face, a merry tongue, an even temper, and a heart which either naturally, or what is better, from conscientious principle, has learned to look at all things on their bright side, believing that the Giver of life being all-perfect love, the best offering we can make to him is to enjoy to the full what he sends of good, and bear what he allows of evil – like a child who, when once it thoroughly believes in its father, believes in all his dealings with it, whether it understands them or not.�
I’ve found that this proves true even on a small, daily basis. If I’m feeling unhappy, rarely does the feeling linger if I start doing something for somebody else – be it vacuuming the living room for the pleasure of my family, writing a letter to my grandma, or making a phone call to encourage somebody else. One morning not long ago, I woke up feeling blue. I decided right away that I had to do something about it, so I started baking and brought some food to nearly all the older people I could think of. By the end of that day, I was happier than I’d been in a long time!
Besides the everyday application, this principle is also true of our large scale focus. When we orient ourselves to others and to serving the Lord, we will have happier lives. Focusing on ourselves only makes us miserable and we all know it. Having a life that is motivated by helping others will bring us long term as well as short term happiness.
Being in a different situation, a different stage of life, living with different people, having different duties, wearing different clothes – none of this will change who we are. If we’re cranky now, we’ll be cranky later. If we’re happy now, we’ll be happy later. We need to place the Lord and His kingdom as the focus of our lives instead of seeking for our own pleasure and then we will discover that “all these things will be added unto� us. My grandma always says whatever stage of life she’s currently in seems better than all the rest. Let’s be like that and stop thinking that our present situation is worse than all other alternatives. Make a habit of deciding to be cheerful. You might be surprised how much it changes you!
Posted by lilypress at December 2, 2005 5:38 AM
